


You broke my heart and now you hold the pieces

by greekphoenix



Category: USWNT - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-01-01 10:38:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greekphoenix/pseuds/greekphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, I'm sorry for the long delay! So this is the new chapter and I hope you like it! And also sorry if it sucks :/ Ps. This hasn't been proof readed so pardon me for any grammar mistakes, I'll check it tomorrow and correct it ;)</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first thing she felt when she woke up was the pounding in her head, being honest, as anybody who has ever tried to drink its own weight in alcohol would say, it hurt like a bitch. Ali was no exception. She could feel the pressure weighting against her temples, and suddenly she wasn’t sure of everything that she did last night.

She opened her eyes, but the light seeping in through the window was too much for sensitive eyes to handle and quickly pressed them shut again, rolled into a pillow and groaned as she was struggling to remember what she did last night to put herself in this pain.

  
Ali started cursing Ashlyn in her mind for making her drink last night, she was sure that Ashlyn had something to do with her after-party-all-night-state even though she knew how much Ali hated drinking and mostly hated feeling hung over. She promised herself that she would make her best friend pay, when, of course, she would be able to get up from the bed she was currently lying curled into a ball of pure pain and regret.

  
Every single part of her body hurt, her stomach felt as it was going to actually rebel at its rightful owner, her ears were begging for some kind of peace, and she realized there was something wound too tight around her wrist.

  
Even in this buzzed state she knew something was weird or, even worse, missing because she could feel the sheets scraping her back. This could mean that a), during the night the temperature had raised, b), that she had moved around too much in her sleep resulting in getting rid of her shirt and c), she was naked. It was December so the first possibility was immediately erased from her mind list, she hoped for the second but her instinct knew better.

  
As to prove her point Ali felt the exposed skin of her chest and looked down at her top half and immediately panic set in when she realized that her entire chest was bare. Sleeping naked was never something she preferred, she actually hated it because she felt too “exposed” even though she mostly slept alone, and the absence of a bra was something that set dread deep inside of her.

  
Ali took a deep breath and lifted the rest of the sheet from her body. Nausea surged through her when she realized that she was entirely naked, and in her mind she was still searching for some sort of explanation other than a drunken one night stand. She moved her body in search of any sign of a male presence in the other half of her bed, but she found nothing. _A good sign_ , she thought, _after all_.

She pressed, again, her eyes shut as hard as she could, and sat up, in spite of her pounding headache, and leaned against head of the bed. She gather all the courage she could manage and opened both of her eyes to finally take in the view of the hotel room.

  
What first caught her eyes were the clothes that were shattered all around the ground: she could see her ripped dress, her bra on the other side of the room, but no sight of her underwear.

  
 _I totally got laid last night,_ was the only thought that occupied her mind.

  
The room smelled of sex. And vodka. This whole situation screamed drunk sex.

“How cliché Ali”, she told herself, “having drunk sex in Vegas”.

Her mind wandered to her best friend, which was probably in her own bed by now after having probably spent the night is some girl’s room or was having morning-after sex with her latest conquest, and how many times she had criticized her one night stands. Of course Ashlyn already knew about this, according to Ali, and was probably never letting her see the end of it having found the perfect payback.

  
With that thought coursing through her mind, she laid back against the headboard again, trying to rest her pounding head. She narrowed her eyes and scanned down her body and to her surprise saw hickies and marks, and bites, ~~yeah the one on her inner tight was totally a bite~~ , covering her whole body. Her wrist still begged for release, she moved her eyes over and saw that her wrist was still tied to the bed post with a black tie.

  
Ali was now completely convinced: not only did she have sex last night. She had drunk, drunk kinky sex with somebody she had knew for a few hours at most (which totally agreed with her standards, not).

  
The fear of not being alone increased immediately, so she held her breath trying to take in the possible presence of the unknown man, crossing her finger in hope of being alone.

Alone she was, the only noise she could hear was the blood pumping in her veins reaching her head which was now, more than ever, close to explode.

She decided she needed to relax a bit so she laid back against the headboard, letting the reality of this past event sink in hoping in some kind of flashback of last night. Rather soon she understood however that those moments were not coming back to her, at least not now.

  
Ali stood up, having to pee but also because she needed some liquids in her system to balance the amount of vodka she drank, but was stuck to the bed realizing in that moment that she still hadn’t untied her wrist. She fell face down on her pillow and groaned again, realizing that the knot was not a simple one, probably her lover was a boy scout, Ali stated, and she spend a good fifteen minutes to free herself.

  
Stumbling bare feet on the cold surface of the ground, she noticed for the first time that the trolley near the bathroom door was indeed hers which meant that this was her room. She was alone in her hotel room. No man there. This was good news to her because at least there were no consequences to what happened, there was no one waiting for a relationship as it happened the last time she had a one night only. 4 years ago.

  
She managed to finally reach the bathroom, where after peeing, she stood in front of the mirror letting the noise of the flowing water in the sink relax her.  
On the other side of the reflecting wall stood somebody  she couldn’t recognize as herself. That woman’s hair looked like some cats had had a fight with it, the dark shadows under her eyes were pleading for some make up and she was even paler than usual. What caught her attention again were however all the marks hovering her body, which were slowly turning purple. Oh, the one on her jaw would be sure challenging to hide, if not impossible, and if her friends didn’t already about the previous night that was going to give away the full story, Ali was sure of it.

  
Quite desperate she slapped herself on the forehead, hissing at the actually unexpected pain, after all she didn’t hit hard, so why was a red mark already forming on her face in the exact spot she hit? She lowered her graze again, settling on her left hand finding herself staring at an unexpected piece of jewel, quite big to be honest, on her finger. Her ring finger. A wedding ring.

  
“Holy mother of the sweet Jesus, if having drunk kinky sex wasn’t enough cliché I also had to get married in Vegas. Good job, Ali”, she scolded herself out loud.

  
Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing, Save Me by the Queen was echoing in her head making the pain spread through her spine, it was Ashlyn’s favorite song and it signaled that her best friend was calling her “ _Save me, How ironic!_ ” she though.

  
Ali started looking for her phone, following the sound, only to find it in her purse which was hiding, it had to be hiding to be there, under the bed. She accepted the incoming call needing some comforting, and some explanation from the blonde.

  
“Hey babe…”, the blonde grinned at herself for the forward use of the pet name.

  
“God Ash, I need your help now! What did I do last night?”, she started to increase the volume of her tone, “What did you guys make me drink? You know I don’t like hung overs! But that’s not even the point, I had sex with somebody last night, somebody I don’t even know or remember”

  
“Well, about that..”, Ashlyn started speaking.

  
“ Yes, Ash, I fucking know I did what I always tell you not to do; but give me a break now I need you to focus on what I’m saying!”

  
“I’m indeed very focused, as I was…”

  
But Ali didn’t let her explain herself again, and not taking a break she continued: “ You, don’t understand! There’s a ring on my fucking finger, a big giant rock I don’t even want! That’s never happened to you! Despite how much drunk sex you’ve had you’ve never got back home after putting a ring on it with one of those sluts!”

  
“That actually kind of hurts, you know”, Ashlyn didn’t know how to make her stop now.

  
“Yeah, yeah, tomorrow I’ll apologize, but now this is a catastrophic event and I need you to help me remember what happened”

  
“Al..”, trying to calm her friend, Ashlyn said.

  
“I’ll tell you what I know, and you’ll tell me if I’m right”, she didn’t wait for an answer, “so last night I got drunk, let’s not argue about who’s fault that is, but anyway, later on, I’ve had sex with a stranger, before or after, probably both, marrying him”

  
“Him?”

  
“Yes, him.”

  
“ A him?”

  
“ Yes, Ash. Do you want me to spell it for you? A man. A male. A guy. Is it clear now? There’s a tie here which was probably used to have kinky sex. God I don’t even know if he used a condom!"

  
“Why would a condom be needed?”

  
“Ash, for fuck’s sake, I know I take the pill but what about STDs?!”

  
“Ali, I promise you don’t have any STDs! Alright?”

  
“Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about it. It's not like if you promise me something doesn't happen it seriously doesn't.  Oh, crap, do you realize how fucked up this is? I’m here quoting Gone with the wind while my body is completely covered by marks claiming that the sex might have gotten a sequel”.

  
“Maybe four”, Ash stated but Ali was well past the point of hearing.

  
“ And now I’m married, at 27. I wasn’t even sure if I ever wanted to get married in my life, but at 27 I’m way too young! And If I ever was going to do it, the Vegas cliché of the drunk bride was not in my prevision, I was thinking big, incredibly big, walking down the isle in my white dress accompanied by Kyle only to reach my mother crying at the end of it. So, no, getting married by an Elvis look-a-like was not in my plans. I’m sure I’m not in love with him, I’ve never been actually in love with anyone in my whole life for fuck’s sake, so now I really want a divorce and you have to help me, alright Ash?”

  
But no answer was heard.

 

 

 

On the other side of the door of that same room stood Ashlyn Harris, tears menacing to wet her cheeks, holding a glass of water and an aspirin to reduce Ali’s hungover effects, in her white button up missing a button that was ruthlessly ripped by the woman she loved and her beloved black tie.

  
“Well, at least she got its use”, said the woman in a sarcastic bitter tone.

  
She put the glass on the floor right under the wooden door and slid out the matching wedding ring from her left hand, carefully placing it there. She knocked lightly on the door once, than turned her back and started walking away.

  
 **I’m sure I’m not in love with him, I’ve never been actually in love with anyone in my whole life for fuck’s sake, so now I really want a divorce** , were the only words her mind could focus on.

  
“ _Of course she doesn’t love me back_ ”, the broken-hearted blond thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Ashlyn decided that she would go towards Sarah and Abby’s room. It ended being a decision based off of her lack of a room key, and the idea that once she reached her room she wouldn’t be able to leave again for about a century for how shamed she currently felt. 

Once there knocked once, lightly,  not wanting to let the entire floor notice her presence. she patiently waited for a few minutes, and then knocked again twice, and then knocked a third time. Her friend however didn't open the door, so she decided to call Sarah's phone being concius that the brunette always forgot to mute her phone. As she expected, Sarah's ringtone could be faintly hear throught the door but the call was soon sent to voice mail. Losing her temper, she knocked again with force this time, untill she heard some noises and some muffled moan.

"Sarah, Abby, I am aware you are having sex and I'll leave you to it soon but I seriusly need to talk to Sarah, it will only take a minute! Open this damn door"

"We can't, we are naked", Abby screamed and than she hear Sarah's laugh.

"I couldn't care less, I've already seen you both naked in the locker room and don't even make me start talking about the time I caught you two getting it on the coffee table, alright?!"

"Jee, no need to remind it, just a sec..." Sarah said.

Waiting outside of the room she looked around: on the far end of the corridor stood an old couple in what seemed a shocked state, while on her other side a young bellhop was trying hard to hide his laugh. This only increased her shame so she punched again the door untill she heard some footstep and the click of the door. Soon Sarah small figure tightly wrapped in a bed white sheet appared.

"Ash, you know I love you but this is our first trip and we were simply enjoying ouselv-", as soon as her eyes connected with Ashlyn's swollen ones she knew something wasn't right. "Oh, God, sweety, what happened to you?"

Seeing the concerned look in her friend's eyes she couldn't hold it in anymore and tears started streaming down her eyes.

"Oh Ashlyn" she wrapped her friend in a warm embrace, "don't cry. I'll tell you what we'll do, ok? You'll come in, and calm down then if you want you'll tell me what happened?"

The blonde simply nodded but in the silence that followed they could only hear Abby's complain: "But babe.."

"Abby why don't you get in the shower?", her girlfriend responded.

"Yeah, but...

"Not buts, Abby. Get. In. The. Shower."

"Will you follow me, Huffman?"

"Maybe you should get a cold one, Wambach!" Sarah laughed.

The two women, still hugging near the door, finally heard the closing door and the flowing water in the shower, and stepped further in the room.

Sarah sat on the edge on the bed and patter the spot near her,  but Ashlyn pulled a disgusted face and said "No, I'm not coming near that bed ever. I'm not even sure I'm confortable with being in this room"

"Oh, suck it up!" said Sarah laughing at her own unitentended pun. "So, will you tell me what is going on or should I turture you to make you spill?"

Ashlyn didn't answer but a small smile crept on her lips wet from her own tear and set on a chair facing the side of the bad where her friend was sitting. They both let a few moment pass without saying anything before Sarah got up and directed to the mini-fridge.

"So, can I get you something?"

"Well, do you happen to have a spare new heart? I think mine is broken"

"Hun" Sarah sadly smiled, "I assume this has something to deal with a certain Alexandra Blaire Krieger, doesn't it?"

"Are there any other options?"

"Well, let me think",  she started biting her nails and stared into the unknown pretending to be deep in thought. "Well you could have met a stripper last night and completely fell in love with her forgetting of your 6 years crush on your supposed best friend. Am I right?"

"I'd hope you were, but I don't think so"

"Well, then, since I only have one heart which has had its fair share of breaking, I'll just give you water and then you'll talk"

Ashlyn took the glass, downed all the water, and after taking a good breath started talking.

"Ok, so do you rememeber when we went to the bar last night?" Sarah nodded, "We were all pretty far gone, but Ali was beyond herself. I have never seen her drink so much in one sitting before. I saw her dancing with a group of guys and I started feeling jealous. I tried to distract myself by flirting with a small brunete I met at the bar but when I was dancing I heard some of the guys fighting over who they thought could take her home. I couldn’t handle it anymore. So, despite how strongly I wanted to punch those dicks in the face I dragged Ali out of the club."

"Well, I don't recall this happening"

"Probably because you where in a bathroom stall doing the nasty with your girl"

"YOU CAN BET YOUR ASS WE WERE" screamed Abby from the bathroom.

Both girls laughed before Ashlyn continued, "I saw Pinoe on my way out and I told her to tell everyone where we were but I think she was too busy to warn you"

"Ash, honey I still don't understand why you are crying"

"Let me finish first. When we got at the hotel she was mad, mad I tell you, screaming me that I had no right to drag her out of there. That she was perfectly capable to handle herself and that I had to stop acting as I was her knight in a shining armour because she couldn't even understand why I did it. She kept asking and asking me that, and at a certain point I exploded. I was so mad I couldn't reason anymore and I kissed her and I finally told her. I told her I love her."

"WOOOOOOOO" Abby scremed while Sarah giggled, "God, Ashlyn, I'm proud of you. You told her!" 

"God, you should have seen her. She was so shocked but then something clicked in her head and she grabbed my neck and kissed me. She actually kissed me. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to die, but I would have died happy you know?"

Sarah nodded in understanding while Abby exited the bathroom in boyshorts and a sports bra, sitting on the bed next to Sarah, and listened to the story. Interlacing their fingers as she sat, then with a little roll of the palm of her free hand she made Ashlyn continue her story.

"And then after that, everything was just really blurry. It’s all just a mix of happiness and love and liquor. We kept kissing until we reached her room, and then I mentioned something about how I wanted to marry her. And she dared me. She dared me to prove it. For the life of me I can’t remember how we got there. But next we’re in a chapel and we exchanged rings. Big, fucking, expensive rings. And then we got back to the room… And you don’t want to know what happened after that."

"You dirty whore!"

"No, but you actually don’t want to know. Especially if you want to ever touch a tie again in this lifetime"

"You little fuckhead!", Abby scolded, “What is everyone going to think, you got married and no one was there! Kyle and Whit are going to be so pissed!", she yelled but you could see in her eyes that she was internally laughing and that she wasn't really mad but actually happy that her friend finally got together.

"Wait, babe", Sarah scolded the short haired girl. "She came in here crying. Something is wrong, am I right?"

Ashlyn took in a deep breath, a few tears escaping from her eyes before she continued. “This morning I woke up and Ali was still asleep. I figured that she was going to have a really nasty hangover, so I got dressed and went to the gift shop to buy some aspirin. On the way back to the room I called her to know what she wanted to do for breakfast or if I should surprise her with breakfast in bed. As son as she answered she started rambling about how hung over she was, and yelling at me for letting her drink too much. And then she started going on about how she apparently not only had sex with a stranger, but it apparently had to have been a man. And then she talked about how she must be married to a random stranger and now she wanted a divorce because she wasn’t in love with anyone. And I didn’t know what to do or how to respond and I felt like my heart was breaking. I couldn’t tell her the truth, so I left aspirin and my ring outside of her door.” Ashlyn took a deep breath as tears started falling harder. “And now I’m here” the blonde said, feigning a smile.

Abby had moved to the other side of Ashlyn and each women brought her into a hug, and continued to tell her that everything was going to be alright. But in the back of her mind Ashlyn could only think that they were wrong and nothing was going to be okay again.

                                                                               |-------------------------------------------------|

Upstairs, in her room, Ali had showered and got dressed and was eager to leave her room on the hunt for Ashlyn. She was confused as to why her best friend had suddenly stopped answering her calls and she wanted answers. Her brain continued to switch back and fourth to possibilities, including that Ashlyn was disappointed in her for marrying a stranger. But she knew that Ashlyn would never judge her like that, or even leave her alone in such a difficult moment. Ali felt in her heart that something was up.

She grabbed her phone and opened the door immediately knocking down something, and from the noise it had to be glass. She kneeled down to lift the broken pieces but her attention was captivated by the shining piece of jewels that suspiciously looked a lot like that one she was wearing. This was getting too weird, so, as far as she knew, she got drunk kinky sex with a stranger that had also left her in the bed the morning after and had abandoned the wedding ring outside of her door.

Ali needed answers and she really needed her friends to give them to her. But in that moment, however, she realized that she didn’t know the room her friends were in, considering they had only left their bags and headed straight for the bar.

 _The hall_ , she thought. Ali headed to the front desk, hoping that the consierge knew something about the wedding, or at least what floor her friends were on.

She thought about waiting for the elevator, but her patience was wearing thin and rushed down the stairs to the bottom floor.

Once she was on the bottom floor, she was hit with the reality that everyone there seemed to know who she was. She even saw the receptionist smile and wave at her, but Ali couldn’t remember if they had ever met. She decided it must have been when she arrived, they probably were the ones who greeted her when she arrived, but because of everything that had happened last night she was having trouble remembering details. 

She got to the desk and rang the bell, nervously waiting for somebody to answer her rising questions. After giving the key to a young couple and wishing them a good stay, a nice man, probably in his 60s, with a target on which was written the name Alfred, turned his attention in Ali’s direction smiling politely as soon as recognized her.

“Goodmorning Miss, my best congratulations for last night”, this time his smile reached his eyes, “did you take your aspirine?”

Saying that Ali was confused now would be an understatement, “Wait, you brought me the aspirine?”

“Not me, but your wife came here asking for it claiming that your head would probably hurt a lot this morning…”

“My wife, you said?”

“Yeah, I know it takes some time to get used by it. When I got married it took me a month to process that finally my girlfriend had became my wife. I guess it’s the same”.

“Girlfriend?”, Ali was now utterly confused.

“Not girlfriend, wife now.” He instructed her and the winked at her, “by the way, your wedding ring is amazing!”

That sentence seemed to get Ali back on Earth and she focused again, “Wait, so you know who my spouse is?”

“Of course, everyone here does! Last night you made everyone happy with how in love you were! Oh, and your wife seemed like somebody had taken the moon and put it into your eyes!”

“Again, husband.”

“What?”

“My husband, not wife, the same I don’t remember and that seems to have dissolved into air.”

“Miss, I know the difference between a man and a woman, trust me.”

“Than maybe it just slipped, but you said wife. I was just correcting you.”

“No, I said wife because she was indeed a woman.”, he looked curiously, “Did you hit your head this morning Miss?”

Ali was shocked now, she didn’t only get married in Vegas. She married a woman, a woman! She had sex with a woman! Ali Krieger was fucking straight there was something wrong about this situation!  _Oh, Kyle is gonna have so much fun with all of this_! She thought.

“D-do-you-k-know-where-this-wo-woman went?” she mumbled

“I don’t know, but wait, let me ask- MICHAEL” he got the attention of a young boy in his work uniform, “have you seen the blond girl from this morning?”

“I’m sorry Sir, but I’ve seen at least a dozen blond girls since this morning. Could you be a little more specific?”

“Uhm”, he eyed Ali again, “the one with the bicolor hair and the sleeve tattoo…”

Ali spaced out completely, she heard the older man speaking to her, probably telling her where this woman went, but she didn’t know how to proper function anymore. She felt sweat forming on her forehead and her lungs aching for some air she hadn’t realized was holding out. She was on the verge of a panic attack in the middle of a crowded hotel hall but she couldn’t care any less. She wasn’t the type to swear but she knew that if she had given voice at the sentences that were crossing her mind in the moment, the gates of Hell would automatically be opened for her. A red carpet at her feet, of course.

In the end she was only able to focus on one thing that she said out loud without wanting to:

**“Holy shit, I married Ashlyn Harris.”**


	3. Chapter 3

It was a strange feeling, blacking out. It was one that Ali had never experienced. She had gotten close in the past, when she had taken hard hits to the head in soccer, or pushed herself too hard in practice, or spent to long in a hot shower. But this was something new. Her ears felt as though they were underwater and all she could see was was the dark behind her eyes. Her whole body shook for a second and with the shudder her eyes started to flutter open. She focused her vision on the man in front of her, who was leaning towards her with worried eyes. She was gripping onto the counter firmly bout her legs were shaking underneath her and suddenly she gasped for air.

“Ma’am. Can you hear me? Are you okay?” Alfred asked. Ali shook her head from side to side almost feeling as though her brain was rattling between her ears, everything was still foggy.

“Listen to me, are you ok?”

Ali took a few seconds thinking about the answer that would be closer to the truth.

“Yes…No…”, she looked around at all the people staring back at her, “Idontknow”

“Miss, I’m sorry, you are mumbling. What were you saying?”

 Ali looked at the man in front of her, and she felt even more disoriented. Seeing this man looking so clam while she felt  her entire world  crumbling down around her.

“I think…”

“Yes?”

She cleared her voice before continuing, “I think I married my best friend”

Alfred looked into her eyes before he tilted his head back and laughed. His laugh was hearty and full of the knowledge of seeing many lives lived. He wrapped an arm around Ali as though they were old friends, or a mother comforting her child.

“Oh, sweetheart! I married my best friend too!”, he happily answered.

 

 

 

A knock on the door broke their hug apart, Abby got up to open it but a gentle cry from her blonde friend stopped her.

“Ash, take a deep breath. It’s probably not her. We would probably know if it was her because we would hear her coming a mile away. And either way, she doesn’t know it was you. So take a deep breath and calm down.”

Ashlyn nodded her head, breathed for a few seconds than looked at Abby who open the door only to find Pinoe standing there with a broad smile and a cheerful face.

“So, who’s ready for a Paaaaaaaaaaaaaarty?!”

“Megan, I don’t think this is the right moment…”

“Oh, c’mon!  Don’t tell me you are still fucking your lady, it’s freakin’ noon!”, than she moved around Abby and entered the room.

“Saraaaah get dress-The fuck happened to you?!”, Pinoe asked, looking Ashlyn and the tremendous state she was, with the same amount of sensibility a rock could have.

 “Has something happened and I’m not aware of it?”

 Since neither the goalkeeper or her friends seemed to be willing to answer her questions, she continued to look at the the three faces but nothing came.

 “Alright, I get it. This is going to take a while… Wait me here.”

If looks could kill than Megan would have been buried already, because of course they had no intentions of going anywhere, but not wanting to go to jail they simply watched as the blond pixie headed to the door, opened it, put only her hear outside of it and then they heard her scream:

“Sarah, no, put those bottles back in our room. I don’t think anyone here is in the mood to celebrate…” she screamed at her girlfriend. Then she closed the door, turned around, faced her friends and clapped her hand.

“Sooooooo, are you gonna tell me know what the hell happened or not?!”

Another knock on the door came.

“This is Sarah, I’ll get it!”

 

 

 

She knew that if she wanted to find out more about what happened last night she had to seem quite calm and not like somebody out of a psychiatric hospital, and mostly, she had to convince the man that was holding her like her father used to do when she was young that she was ok.

“Did you hear what he said?”, the man asked, snapping Ali out of another daze.

“Ehm, no”, she smiled awkwardly, “can you repeat it, please?”

“Sure, he said that he saw your best friend, your wife”, he smiled widely then continued, “entering the room number 412, which, if I recall, is the one your friend with the short brown hair.” When he saw the surprised look on her face he simply explained “I’m not a creep, my nice is a soccer fan and I am quite good at remembering faces.”

Ali nodded her head in understanding, then smiled politely at him, said goodbye and headed for the suggested room.

This time she found the elevator empty and used it to get to the fourth floor, maybe this was a sort of a sign that things would go smoothly and that maybe this was all a misunderstanding, Ali knew she needed some explanation but probably Ashlyn did too.

But then she remember than while when she woke up she found no one in her bed with her, Ashlyn, if she truly was the one she slept with, had woken up in next to her and the fact that this morning she was naked gave her a 99% of possibility than Ashlyn saw her too.

Ashlyn however didn’t wake her up which made the brunette even madder at her friend.

The ring of the elevator signaled that she had arrived to her requested floor and she header for Abby’s room.

 

She knocked.

 

 

 

“Oh, hi Ali! Finally you are here, that bitch of your best friend doesn’t want to tell me why she looks like she’s been hit by a tir, but she will tell you for sure!”, Pinoe said not realizing that she had almost certainly just relished Hell on earth and dragged the brunette inside the room.

As soon as Ashlyn saw who actually was at the door stood up and after whispering her friend’s name stood there moving her gaze to her own feet.

Ali calmly walked to her friend, looked at her, and then slapped her right on her cheek. She knew she hurt her, her fingers were already clearly printed on the blonde’s face, but she was too angry to care.

“Ali!”

“Fuck, Ali! Why did you do that?”

She couldn’t give a damn about her friends question.

“It was you?”

The answer came lightly, “Yes.”   “Ali, look, I’m sor…”

“So you do remember?”

Ashlyn finally looked her in the eyes, “I remember something, not the whole night…”

“But you do remember us getting married?” 

Ashlyn nodded.

Pinoe gasped.

“And we actually had sex this night?”

Ashlyn nodded again.

Pinoe screamed.

“Fuck you! You did know we got married and have sex but however when you got up this morning it didn’t cross your mind that maybe you could have warned me?! You are seriously fucked up! I had to be told by a receptionist that it was you and not some stranger! Why didn’t you tell me?!” she was now screaming and the other girls couldn’t do anything to calm her down.

Ashlyn whispered her answer with a faint smile on her lips, “Because this morning, when I woke up, I was happy.”

“Happy? HAPPY? Are you fucking stoned Ashlyn? Or was I high last night during the marriage? Don’t you realize this is a fucking colossal mistake?”

If it wasn’t for Ali’s screaming you could have heard the sound of Ash’s heart breaking and its pieces getting dispersed in her own body. The biggest piece got to her throat and she couldn’t even speak.

But then couldn’t stand Ali’s questions anymore so she gulped, twice, and then spoke.

“You know what? You said it, get a fucking divorce but I can’t stay here anymore I’m going back to Germany! Hope you are happy…”

That said she ran out of the room but crashed with a solid body which she recognized as Sarah, Pinoe’s girlfriend.

“Ashlyn, where are you running to?”

“Germany” came the answer.

“What are you talking about? The vacation has just started!”

“No Sarah, the vacation is over.”


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone in the room stood, astonished by the scene that had just unfolded. No one moved, or blinked, and  the women were all afraid of breaking the silence.

They all were snapped out of their stupor once footsteps approached the door. Everyone in the room had a small hope that it was Ashlyn, even Ali. She wanted answers, and she probably would’ve been okay with slapping her again.

It was Sarah.

“I just ran into Ashlyn crying in the hallway. What’s going on?”

Suddenly the whole room was filled with screams, they were all telling Ali that despite her being right in the first place she had messed everything up because she didn’t know the full picture which, no matter how many times she asked, they refused to explain.

Pinoe, who had soon been able to put in place the pieces of the story she had heard and explained it to her girlfriend, abruptly raised her voice above the others to shut them up since she could clearly hear the complains from the other guests trough the thin walls and she didn’t really want to be kicked out of an hotel.

“Ali”, she screamed and then continued in a much lower voice, “I really think you should go talk to Ash…”

But Ali was too upset to obey and the fact that they were all taking Ashlyn’s side didn’t really help her to make up her mind so she simply sat on the floor refusing to move until a very impatient Abby spoke.

“Kriegs, how many times have you seen Ashlyn cry before today?”

“Once”, she exhaled, “when she didn’t make the Olympic roster.”

“Well, then, my friend, I guess this is your cue to go…”

Ali silently stood up and got out of the room heading once more for the hall where Alfred almost directly made eye contact with her as if he had been waiting for her and with a gesture of his hand he invited her to move closer.

“I guess you are looking for your…friend?” he silently hoped she would correct his choice of word but God, if he was wrong.

“Yes, can you tell me her room number?”

“Look, I would even give you the room key but I’m afraid that it’d be totally useless. She made me call a cab for her a bit ago."

“Where did she go?”

“I’m incredibly sorry but I can’t help you…”

If Ali would have bother to look she could have seen clear concern in that man’s eyes, but she had run out of the sliding door without even saying goodbye as soon as the man closed his mouth and she found herself on the sidewalk hoping to see her still waiting there for her taxy but no blonde was in sight. It was only after a quite long time in which she hadn’t even been able to connect her thoughts that it finally hit her where Ashlyn had to be.

The airport.

She saw a taxy driver in the distance dropping some customer’s baggage and sped to him begging the driver to take her to the airport. That day she learned that Vegas’ streets at noon are not the ideal  if you are in a rush just as it isn't ideal to get married and sleep with you best friend, so maybe it doesn't count. 

Almost an hour later, she got to the airport. But as fate would have it, the moment she walked in, she heard the speaker announce the departure for the flight to Germany. 

 _Damned Ashlyn and her fucking luck on always finding an escape!_ She thought.

She was alone, just as she was this morning, having no cue of what to do or what to ask for, she was tired and on the verge of tears, surrounded by thousands and thousands of people wrapped in warm embrace of welcome or in sad farewell, standing in a simple jumper which was not enough at all to not let the cold get to her bones showing everybody the mess she was at the moment.

Above all she finally figured out that her life was going to change completely considering that on that plane got away not only the answers she was longing for but her best friend too. And that was relevant to her, the only constant in her life had just disappeared, her pillar had bent making her whole world fall down. Never in her life she had ever realized how much she relied on that disaster of soul she already missed.

She called the only person who wouldn’t ask too many question and would give her time to reflect.

“Please tell me you finally got laid…”

“Kyle this is seriously not the moment…”

“Look, I understand, I’m your brother but I need to know for your mental health and mine too, did you?”

“Listen, I called to…”-“DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT?”

“YES, I did. Happy now?”

Her brother didn’t answer right away instead he took a moment to think then he just said “Finally”.

“Kyle, I slept with Ashlyn” she confessed before she could stop herself.

Ali heard the clear sign of her brother chocking on whatever he was drinking and then gasp for air before she heard his voice again.

“Oh. Wow.” It was so not usual to have him speechless.

“I’m coming home as soon as I find a plane”

“So I guess it didn’t work out well?” he dared ask.

“Kyle, we were drunk. Wasted. I don’t remember about it but apparently we got married too.”

…

“Well, I guess I should trash the champagne I bought for this occasion…”

“What do you mean bought?”

“Nothing, nothing. Let me know at what time you’ll arrive and I’ll pick you up.”

He hang up on her.

Everybody, every single person, was looking at her.

She was crying.

* * *

 

 

She was trying, Ashlyn was really trying to move on. To not think about the girl who broke her heart, the same one who stole it.

The day she got to Duisburg seemed such a long time ago right now, an entire life-time seemed to have passed since the day she put an ocean between herself and her problems. She ran away. She knew she did. But what was she supposed to do?

She moped around the house for a whole week before she got in the shower for the first time, she slept the whole time, she cried and then cried again untill the tears had finally stopped leaving her numb in pain. 

She told herself that after all she was doing better, the day she got to training was the day she told herself that she was ok, that she wasn't completely broken, she had been so good to put on a mask with her teammates that the facade had quite convinced herself too. It really didn't.

She couldn't help it.

She cried again under the shower that day.

Tears had returned.

Two weeks later came the mail, she had been allocated. To the Washington Spirit. She didn't have to check the list to know who else would've been there. She and Ali wrote down their choices together.

There was no escape in the end.

And because of that, she put her feelings aside knowing that in less than two months she would have had to face them, she gave herself the time to pretend she was alright. Everyone believed her. Even her mirror. Even her pillow.

No more tears, she told herself.

But the laughs never came.

What came where many calls from Ali, from Abby, Sarah, Pinoe. She never answered them. To save herself she had to turn off her phone. Eventually the stopped calling.

She knew Ali wanted the divorce and had probably already signed the papers, she asked for some time. She gave herself the time.

The only message she read was one from Kyle, it was simple, sincere and the most interested one she had receive.

"How are you?" was written in it.

Her answer was a lie, a bad told lie. "Fine"

"I'm sorry" said Kyle and she believed him.

"I am too".

 

 

The following month she found herself looking at the computer screen, not at all happy for the first time in her life to have been called for the NT. She considered not going, staying at home. Hoping that the cold of the snow could enter her skin and ease her pain.

She had to go, this was the first official roster made by the new Coach. Refusing it was practical the same thing as saying goodbye to any chance of a World Cup.

Merely two weeks later she was leaving for Portugal.

Her mother wished her goodluck and her brother told her he was proud of her.

Maybe things could be fixed.

She got to the Algarve chosen hotel later at night and she went straight to her room hoping to have a little more time to calm her nerve and to choose what to do.

But luck was not on her corned, the moment she opened the door of her room she saw a flash of dark hair sitting on the bed rummaging to the channels on the tv, the girl heard her enter and immediately locked eyes with her.

"Ali" she whispered.

This couldn't be fixed, things weren't going to get easier or better because no matter how hard she tried during these two months it took her nothing more that a second to realize that she was still hopelessly in love with her best friend.


	5. Chapter 5

“Wait, Ash!” Ali immediately stood up from the bed she was lying onto as she saw Ashlyn close again the door and disappear in the hallway.

“Ash” she repeated outside the door when she noticed that the blonde was already halfway to the elevator, “please, we need to talk.”

Ashlyn finally turned around and took in the Ali’s figure. She was wearing sweats and a red sweater, hair tied in a messy bun and no make-up. To anyone else she might seem like someone tired, to Ashlyn she was perfect. And she hated herself for not being able to wait at least 24 hours before drooling about her best friend.

“Al”, she snapped back to reality, “I don’t feel like it now. Please, I’m tired. I’ll ask at the reception to switch room so you can stay in yours…”

“That one is your room, not mine. I kinda stole HAO’s key because I wanted to talk to you… alone”

“Well, this is not the moment…”

“And when will it be?”

“Truthfully, never..”

“Ashlyn, please, let’s not make a scene here in the middle of the hallway, I don’t want to argue but we have to talk. Let’s go.”

As it had always been, Ashlyn couldn’t deny anything to Ali’s pleading tone so she sheepishly followed her best friend (?) to the room. She closed the door behind her back, dropped the heavy bags and plopped on the bed.

“So?”

“Ashlyn, I am sorry.”

“W..what?” the blonde’s jaw dropped, she was expecting accusations, blame, from the defender, excuses were a surprise for her.

“I said I am sorry. I was mad that morning, I didn’t know what to do. I was just using you as a punching bag, I just wanted to not feel guilty so I blamed you. It was wrong and I am sorry.”

“No Ali, I am sorry” she wanted to apologize for running away, for being scared, for not being brave enough to confess her feelings while sober.

“Ash, there is nothing you have to apologize about. We were both drunk and we both don’t remember anything…”

“Both?”

“Yeah, the girls told me that you didn’t remember anything either. Or have you remembered something while in Germany?”

Ashlyn could have been honest, she could have told the truth, that was a perfect chance for her to confess, to prove herself she could be the bigger person. She lied.

“No, nothing…sorry”

That was the easiest way out, otherwise she’d have had to tell everything to Ali and knowing that the brunette didn’t love her back, confessing now corresponded to ruin the Algarve for both of them and this was her real shot for a cap.

Silence fall between them before Ali spoke.

“You are still my best friend, you know. That didn’t change.”

This was the second chance she had in ten minutes to confess. She lied again.

“Yeah, I know..”

“But we are married.”

“You want to divorce” Ashlyn bitterly spit out.

“Well, don’t you?!”

Third chance.

“Yes, of course I do.”

“Last month I spoke to a lawyer, he asked for the document and apparently we are officially married and he prepared the papers for the divorce… I could introduce him to you…”

Ashlyn was starting to feel nauseated, her biggest dream had come true and now her biggest fear too. But this was what Ali wanted and as she had always promised, the girl’s happiness was more important than hers. She had to play her part now, she had to play like she always did, indifferent.

“Well, I don’t need to. Send me the paper and I’ll sign it.”

Ali noticed that something wasn’t right, that Ashlyn was lying or better, not telling the truth. She could read it in her eyes, in the ways the blonde’s orbit where avoiding hers afraid that she could read them with her mastered skills.

“Don’t worry, you can still sleep with whoever you meet at the clubs… I won’t be a jealous wife, I promise.”

Ashlyn let out the fakest laugh she could manage.

“Alright…. So, will you stay in Germany or play for the Spirit…with me?” Ali continued understanding that Ashlyn wasn’t really in the mood to ask questions.

“It’s not like I really have a choice. The team over there has been fucked up and if I want a shot for the NT I’ll have to play there…”

The keeper read in the brunette mind the need to ask questions and because of that she decided to stop her before it was too late.

“I am tired, can you leave me alone please?”

“Yeah, of course. Goodnight.” She said before getting up and leaving.

Ashlyn didn’t even bother changing her clothes as she slipped under the cover and got asleep. Not without filling the pillow of tears.

 

 

Surprisingly, Ali did the same.

 

The following days they barely spoke to each other, Ashlyn tried to avoid the defender and made sure that if they spoke there had to be someone else in the middle to prevent anything stupid to be said or to fill the awkward silences between them.

They had a silent agreement on not making too oblivious the fracture between them because if the team got curious about something there was nothing that could be hid from them. The team knew. Since day one actually. They knew because Ashlyn’s crush had always been as clear as the day and her weird behavior couldn’t hide the truth. Luckily Megan and Abby had been kind enough to make them shut up, to prevent them from asking questions.

Eventually the game against China came. Ashlyn didn’t play, Ali did. The defender scored the second goal and as a celebration she held up a heart.

Ashlyn was as angry as ever, she was jealous of the receiver of that heart, she felt the typical tingle in her felt she used to feel every time Ali spoke about a guy. She felt betrayed, the cheated wife except that they were married only on paper, not as a real fact.

The heart was for Ashlyn, it was Ali’s way to prove that besides everything she really still considered the keeper her best friend. She intended to tell her at the end of the game but the way Ash snapped and refused to look at her prevented Ali from telling the truth.

 

The following game was against Sweden. Ali played, Ashlyn played too. Her first cap was finally there, it seemed as her whole life had revolver around those 90 minutes. Ali could see how happy she was, how proud she had been to sing the anthem.

She could also clearly see the disappointment of getting scored on, it wasn’t really Ash’s fault, non completely. But she knew her friend, she knew that right then, even in the middle of the game, her favorite keeper was blaming herself. She wanted to run there and hug her, to tell her that she was doing a fantastic job. She stayed in her position because a) they were in the middle of an important game and b) she truly didn’t know if the keeper would have wanted her to.

They tied. 1-1.

Everybody was looking at the brunette defender, expecting her to make a move, to congratulate the keeper as anyone else had. They had been best friend since the day they met, for god’s sake! And Ali had always been her greatest supporter.

They met halfway and then hugged under the interested eyes of the whole team (and staff). It was a tight embrace, maybe a little too tight. It felt too much as a goodbye but none of them, for different reasons of course, wanted it to happen. 

 

Later that night they went to a bar, alcohol and music had already been proved to not be a good combination for them.

They drank anyway, and danced too.

At first, anyone was dancing with Ash, she was the woman of the day and, not to forger, the party’s queen. After half an hour Ash was already wasted.

Kelley and Alex had kept repeating Ali to “get her girl”, to dance with her before some Portuguese chick came to get her home. She feigned innocence, as if she didn’t understand what they were implying. But then Ashlyn called her over the music, asking her to dance. She got up. As soon as they started moving they heard whistles and laughs from their teammate but they pretended not to hear. At least Ali did, Ashlyn was already in her own little drunk world.

The defender took her to the bathroom, to make her wash her face covered in sweat. To breath for a moment without confusion.

As they were exiting the restroom, Ali almost tripped over a small trash can she hadn’t seen. Despite being drunk, Ash’s got her tranks to her reflexes preventing her from falling. She didn’t let go.

They were close now, too close. Their foreheads were almost touching, their lips a mere inch of distance. The tension between them was too much to be handled, as it had been for the whole camp.

Ash couldn’t resist, she took the opportunity and leaned in.

Their lips barely touched. They kissed despite what Ali would tell herself later that night to convince herself.

The both were in that kiss but as soon as Ashlyn tried to deepen it Ali jolted away in shock.

She slapped her.

Again.

 

 

 

They didn’t speak for the rest of the camp, not even when they won and got to a bar to celebrate. They stayed sober this time, but nothing changed.

 

Soon came the time to go home, Ashlyn in germany and Ali in the Usa.

They would meet again soon though. A month later the blonde packed everything and got on a plane directed to Washington leaving in Germany the pillow that had received most part of her tears. She left there memories, hopefully the pain, the lack of sleep, the empty bottles of alcohol and the only chance she had to refuge and escape from the fucked up things she had in her life.


	6. Chapter 6

“Welcome to the United States of America”, the pilot said from his cabin, “We just landed in Washington DC, it’s 4.53 p.m., the sun is shining and the sky is clear. Please, stay in your sits and keep the seatbelt on until said otherwise.”

If it was for Ashlyn she would have kept that seatbelt on forever if only it meant that she could go back to Germany and never come back, never. Unfortunately, as the plane was empting out a flight attendant approached her to ask if she was feeling well and if she needed help to get up. She politely, as politely as an emotionally wreck could be, dismissed him, grabbed her backpack from the compartment and got off the plane.

She directed to the baggage reclaim where luckily her luggage was amongst the last ones to come out  of the conveyor belt.

Lori was supposed to be the one to pick her up, there was no explanation as to why she didn’t ask her best friend to go. Everyone knew, no one asked. But in the arrivals hall she immediately recognized a face, and it wasn’t Lori’s. She outright indentified it because it resembled so much the face she was in love with, the one she would be able to locate in the most crowded room.

“What are you doing here?”, Ashlyn abruptly asked.

“I see, no hug for Kyle?!”, he demanded pretending to be hurt.

“I’m not really in the mood for hugs, you know?”

“Yeah, but I am!”, he said wrapping her tightly with his strong arms.

“Seriously though”, she inquired once they were in the car and left the airport, “why are you here instead of Lori?”

“What, can’t I go pick up my sister-in-law without a personal profit?”

“You know that it’s tasteless to joke about this situation right?”

“I know and I’m sorry but the air between you two is so thick you can cut it with a knife and it makes me anxious…”

“Well, stop it anyways.” Ashlyn nervously fidgeted but in the end she couldn’t help but ask, “How is she?”

Kyle barely heard the whispered question but, knowing his friend, it wasn’t a surprise at all. “Not well, she misses her best friend, she misses you. Sometimes she calls me late at night to ask me if I  watch a film with her, that’s something she used to do with you. And I can see it in her eyes…”

“What do you see?”, the keeper asked with tears already in her eyes.

“That she feels alone without you.”

* * *

 

“Kyle, is that Ali’s car?”, she asked when he parked in the drive in of a terraced house after being silent for the rest of the time that took them to get there.

“Yes”, he said that as it was an oblivious thing.

“Why did you take me to her house?”

“Because this is YOUR house too, duh”

“No”, Ashlyn was astonished, “there is no way I’m staying here! I’ll have Lori move here but this isn’t happening…”

“Ash”, he uttered in a tone so sweet that Ashlyn stopped her rambling and looked where Kyle’s head was hinting to.

Ali was standing near the open door, motionless.

“Ash”, she heard Kyle talking but wasn’t really listening to him, not when she felt every fiber of her being get back to life by the mere sight of her girl, “nobody knows about the marriage at the Spirit, not the coach, not the team, well except Lori, and if you changed house they would start speculating and that’s not good.”

“Kyle, I know…It’s just…I don’t know if I can do it, if I can do this.”, she dejectedly stated.

“She’s your best friend, how about you just start from this?”

Ashlyn didn’t actually answer, she got out of the car, picked her bags from the trunk and headed to the house. She didn’t have the time to move, boosted by the sight of her best friend Ali ran towards and wrapped her arms around Ashlyn’s neck. The keeper didn’t know at first what to do, she was frozen in her spot, scared that the smallest movement would make feeling she had in her chest disappear and it felt too good to let it go.

However, when she felt the woman in her arms stiffen realizing that it was a one way hug, Ashlyn finally dropped her suitcase and held her. Then and there she understood that no matter how far her job brought her, how many countries she had been in, she had never felt in her place as in that moment. She had never been actually home.

 

* * *

“You both sit down, I have to tell you something.”, Kyle affirmed and both women sat on the couch. Too much space was between them, too much considering that one of them would have practically sat on the other’s lap just a few months ago. Now they seemed too self-conscious about their moves, about the way the interacted, despite the way they tenderly had been wrapped in a warm embrace things got even more awkward as Ashlyn picked her bags up and carried them inside not wanting help from Ali.

“You two need to sort your shit out…”

“We are fine!”, Ali weakly exclaimed but she wasn’t convincing anyone, not even herself.

“Oh, come on! You can’t even look at each other without flinching!”

Noticing that the two women were not going to say anything he continued his monologue hoping to provoke some sort of reaction in the two women.

“You know, you’ve been best friends for over five years. It would be stupid to throw your friendship out of the window. And getting a divorce would do that. If Ali and I have learned anything from our parents, it’s that divorce changes things way more than marriage does.” 

He paused expecting her sister to say something since she had been the one to want the divorce the day she learned about the wedding, but nothing, she stared at the coffee table and didn’t dare open her mouth.

“Having said this, I’ve kinda stolen the divorce papers you asked the lawyer and hid them..”

“WHAT?”, Ali was startled by what she was hearing.

“Kyle, give me the papers. Ali wants me to sign them, we’ll be fine after that. Don’t worry.”

“You say that as if you don’t want to divorce too!”, the defender accused.

Kyle noticed Ashlyn’s discomfort with those words so he decided to step in. “Shut up, you both! I swear I’ll give you the documents as soon as you stop acting like you are not friends anymore!”

“You can’t do that”, Ali pleaded.

“I can and I will. I haven’t said you need to act like a married couple, calm down”, Kyle saw Ashlyn visibly shiver as those word left his mouth, “You need to learn to be friends again before this season starts.”

“It’s not like you can force us!”

“Sis’, I’m doing this for you, if people start suspecting something it will be hell, and you know how the press would be interested in something like this…”

This idea seemed to convince Ali since she was so careful with her private life and it convinced Ashlyn too because she didn’t really want to be publically dumped by her best friend and soon to be former wife.

“So, do you agree?”, Kyle asked.

“Yes”, Ali fast responded but the she noticed that Ashlyn still hadn’t said a word, “what do you say Ashlyn?”

“What can I say?”, the blonde sarcastically retorted, ”Yes”.

“Good”, Kyle said, “then now I’ll go, I’ll be back once a week to see how you are doing…”

“We aren’t kids you know Kyle?”

“Well, you aren’t really grownups otherwise you wouldn’t be in this situation”, he remarked, “So, I was saying, I’ll see you next week.”

Without saying another word he got up and left but before getting in his car her turned and saw the women shocked staring at him.

“I expect you two to at least speak to each other by next week!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry for the long delay! So this is the new chapter and I hope you like it! And also sorry if it sucks :/ Ps. This hasn't been proof readed so pardon me for any grammar mistakes, I'll check it tomorrow and correct it ;)

“So, uhm, why don’t you tell me how did this past week go? I mean, you seem pretty cozy so I’m assuming it went great!” Kyle sarcastically remarked clapping his hands noticing how uncomfortable both women looked, not even being able to look at each other in the eyes.

He had been there for 30 minutes and after the first 30 seconds he could already tell that nothing had changed since the last time he had been in their house. He practically had to drag Ashlyn in the living room and had to force her to sit on the couch, Ali had been more of the passive-aggressive type, she did as she was told but her face was enough to tell that she was mad as fuck. She chose to sit on the armchair, however, so that she was able to face both Ashlyn and her brother, who chose to lay out on the matching armchair.

No one answered his question.

“You don’t have a fucking thing to say?”. He asked again hoping to get a reaction from either one of the girls.

To show her already obvious lack of interest in the conversation (if it could even be defined like that), Ashlyn picked up her phone and started to respond to some messages she got.

“Put that fucking thing down, Ash. I’m serious.” Kyle scolded her.

“Fuck you. This whole thing is bullshit!” She said clearly overreacting as she got up and started heading to her room.

“Ashlyn put your ass back on the couch right now or, help me God, I’ll drag you here again.” Realizing that his tone might have been too harsh and considering how uncomfortable Ashlyn already looked, Kyle soften his tone a bit. “Ash, please, this is important. Can you please stay a little longer?”

Ashlyn huffed out and then gulped, she knew he won; as much as she wanted to be out of that room, she was fully conscious that Kyle had no fault in that situation. He was just trying to help and she owed it to him. So she sat back down on the couch, threw her phone on the other side of the seat and the spread out her legs on it. “You’ve got 15 minutes”, she said and Kyle smiled.

“Thank you. So, Alex, why don’t you start telling me something?”

“And what exactly do you want me to say?” Ali requested brother, her tone full of provocation. She didn’t like one bit what her brother was forcing her to do, she just wanted to sign those damn documents and go ahead with her life. She and Ashlyn would be better after that, she was sure of it.

“Well, for example, how are you?” He politely asked choosing to ignore her sassy tone.

“I’m fine”, she stated and then also faked a smile, you know, just to make the lie believable.

“That’s great to hear”, Kyle joked. “What about you Ash, how have you been?” He questioned her hoping to get at least one honest response.

“Fantastic”, she said through gritted teeth.

 _This is going to be hell,_ he thought. In that moment he actually pondered that maybe he shouldn’t have intruded at all in the first place, ‘cause as much as he wanted to help the girl who had been for so long in love with his sister Kyle knew too well that this wasn’t going anywhere, the two girls standing in front of him had seriously fucked up this time and maybe there was really nothing he could do to help. Maybe, just maybe, they had to find a solution on their own for what happened.

“How awesome is it?! You’ve both been fine this past week! And, stupid Kyle here even thought you two might have had some problems! But how could I ever think that, you are clearly handling this thing like the two adults you are! Great! I am so SO proud of you!”

He then looked at them clearly disappointed and actually kinda pissed, those two had promised to at least give it a try but now they were acting like two idiots and that thing was driving him insane.

“Why don’t we just cut this crap out?”, He practically yelled raising his voice after the two still refused to say something.

“Let’s start with an easy question”, Kyle stated trying to calm down since being rude wasn’t getting them anywhere. “Have you been spending time together?”

“We have to, you know, we are teammates.” Ali finally answered his question making him breathe out in relief. She eventually understood that the only way to get out of this torture was by giving him  the answers he wanted.

“I mean, besides that, how much time have you spent you two alone?”, he added finally feeling a change in the conversation.

“Like maybe an hour…”, Ali annoyingly explained.

“Oh wow, that’s better than I expected. An hour a day is excellent!” Kyle beamed, thinking that maybe he was wrong.

“Kyle, not a day, one hour a week.” Ashlyn said as if she was stating the obvious.

“Ok, that’s not good at all now!” _Yup, wrong again._ “And why exactly is that?”

“Well, being honest, maybe if Ashlyn would have spent more time home instead of going out every night to fuck whoever she’s sleeping with now”, Ali stated with a bitter tone, “We could have hung out more.”

“What was it that you said one?! _I’m not going to be a jealous wife_!”, Ashlyn mocked her remembering Ali’s words and clearly imitating her tone.

Kyle snickered covering his mouth with his hand, the girls’ banter now reminded too much of the way they used to discuss before the whole Vegas bomb, but it didn’t go unnoticed to him the hurt tone behind both women voice.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m not jealous. I’m simply saying that I’ve only seen you come home every morning either hungover or still drunk and go straight to bed ‘till we have training, when the hell did we have a chance to spend time together if even when you ARE home it’s just like you are absent?” Ali said and her words actually scared Kyle because he knew that Ashlyn once had the habit of drinking a bit too much and he didn’t want her to repeat the same mistake.

“Well, lucky for me”, Ashlyn laughed, “I was always sober enough to notice your dates with Gabriel or whatever his name is!”

“Garreth”, Ali corrected her.

“Ok, wait a sec, who the fuck is Garreth now?” Kyle inquired clearly confused

“It’s Ali’s moron boyfriend”. Ashlyn said earning a stern look from both the Krieger sibling and a “Don’t you dare” from Ali.

 “What?” Ashlyn continued defending herself, “ He’s clearly an idiot, I’ve heard him speaking about himself in the third-person more than once.. Plus he doesn’t even kiss you when he greets you!”

“So you are saying that he’s an idiot because unlike you he knows well manners on how to treat a woman?!”

“Oh, please, Alex, whatever it is that you like to tell yourself but that doesn’t change the fact that you and me both know that he’s stupid and that you could do a lot better!”

“And who could ever be better, somebody like you? Oh please!”

Ashlyn didn’t dare respond, she just stared at her nails until ten minutes later Kyle claimed that he had to go and Ashlyn was the one to walk him to his car.

“I’m sorry you are going through this, I’m really really sorry.” Kyle softly stated in a sympathetic tone and hugged her.

“Maybe this is the punishment for something really bad I did in a past life”, she resonated, “I only got to have the girl I love for one night.” Ashlyn practically muffled into his neck.

 

 

Ashlyn got back inside and went straight to her bedroom.

She stayed in that night.

Ali did the same, when Garreth called her she said that she wasn’t feeling it that night.

 

 

When Ashlyn got up the next morning, she heard a lot of clatter coming from the kitchen and when she got there she Ali pacing between the stoves.

“Uhm, I-I made you breakfast”, Ali stuttered, she didn’t know why she felt so nervous. “Ash, I really wanted to apologize for what I said. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have offended Gerard, I mean if you like the type…” Ashlyn said as she got seated near the counter and Ali, who completely chose to ignore the insult (and the fact that she still didn’t call him correctly), smiled at her and handed her a plate full of pancakes.

They ate their breakfast in silence.

“Thanks Ali, this was spot on!” Ashlyn complimented the brunette and for the first time in what felt like forever she honestly smiled at her. Ali then proceeded to pick up the dirty plates and forks and brought them near the sink where she motionless stood until Ashlyn realized that there was something wrong with it.

“Uhm, Alex do you need any help with the washing up?”

“NO”, Ali responded maybe a bit too harsh, “I actually wanted to ask a question…”

Ashlyn didn’t respond, she simply nodded in fear of what was going to happen. She could feel the storm coming.

“Uhm- Why did you k-“, she muttered before interrupting herself but since she didn’t know how to say it any other way she decided to go straight to the point. “Why did you kiss me? When we were out with the team, I mean.” It was something Ali had spent the whole night thinking about, she had completely forgot that it happened in the first place but as the past events kept passing trough her mind she couldn’t help but wonder on that exact thing. And Ashlyn was the only one who could solve her doubt.

“Ehm, I don’t know Alex, I was really really drunk and sometimes I do stupid thing I don’t even remember.” She totally remembered it though, both the kiss and the reason why. Ali was standing there in front of her, face flushed and her perfect lips were calling her name, she kinda had to kiss her.

“It’s just that I thought that Vegas was already a lesson on what not to do when drunk.”

“Well, Alex, if I remember correctly you didn’t exactly push me away though, did you?”

 “I didn’t want you to feel rejected!” Ali explaining raising her hands as if it was actually a good excuse. Truth is she didn’t know why she didn’t distance herself immediately, the moment their lips met there was nothing but an unexpected feeling of calm.

“Well, you didn’t have a problem with it when you slapped me in the face right after the kiss or when you did the same thing Vegas… Actually, now that we are finally talking about it, what about the time you yelled at me the day after we got married and the first thing you told me when we saw each other again in camp was that you wanted to divorce?! Let’s talk about the time I went back to Germany and you completely ignored me. You know what I felt like?”, she practically yelled not even giving the brunette a chance to talk. “Refused and rejected.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Ashlyn, don’t try to make me the bad guy in the situation!”, Ali reacted to the spiteful words of the other woman, “Stop blaming me and stop acting as if we were this happy and in love couple and I fucked up and broke your heart. That’s not what happened, this whole marriage thing was just a mistake!”

Ashlyn saw the tears ready to come out of Ali’s eyes.

She was right in her own way because she really wasn’t aware of the truth.

Fuck it.

 “Oh yeah, and what if, Alex, what if I was in love with you?”

_The storm came._


	8. Chapter 8

**_“Oh yeah, and what if, Alex, what if I was in love with you?”_ **

 

“What?”, Ali incredulously asked not understanding what her best friend meant.

Ashlyn actually thought about backpedaling and denying what she said, or better she could give Ali a thousand different explanations for her sentence that still would prevent the brunette from knowing the truth. But this was it and she didn’t want to become a coward.

“Would it change anything if I was in love with you?”, she requested looking straight into Ali’s eyes.

“What if I was in love with you, uh, Alex?”, Ashlyn retorted, an unusual serious tone in her voice. “What would it change?”

“It wouldn’t change anything because you are not. Ashlyn, you can’t!”. She said, her voice getting louder by the end of her words. “You are my best friend! You can’t so stop joking!”, Ali continued muttering those words, realization slowly hitting her.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake Alexandra, I’m practically telling you that I do and you still won’t believe me! How can you be so blind?”

To say Ali was in shock would be an understatement, she could not believe what she was hearing, what her best friend was saying. It still made no sense at all. Not to her at least.

“Ashlyn, stop joking, you are doing nothing but confusing me! What the hell are you talking about?”

 This was Ashlyn’s chance to finally say the truth, the voice in the back of her head was telling her to go for it, to give voice to her most hidden (and probably also the worst hidden) secret of her life. She knew she was going to lose Ali either way, they were never going to be the same ever again. Not after the marriage, not after the incoming divorce, mostly, not after her confession. The blonde was aware that this was an all or nothing. Still, she decided to risk it.

“I’m telling you that I love you Alexandra Krieger”, she finally confessed and if she could she would give herself a round of applause for finally doing it, Ali’s expression however still hadn’t changed so she decided to clarify thing even further, as if it could be any more clear than the way she had expressed herself. “Maybe this will work, ok. I’m in love with you, Alex, I am hopelessly in love with my best friend.”

This time she finally understood.

It made sense, all the jokes coming from her friends, all the smirks she received whenever Ashlyn complimented her or did anything that usually best friends would not really do.

It made perfect sense why all of Ashlyn’s past ‘girlfriends’, if they could even be called that, hated her whenever they met her for the first time. “Oh, you must be Ali, uh”, that’s what pretty much all of them would say, a fake smile clear on their faces. “She never stops talking about you.”

It made sense why Ashlyn would always blush after hearing those words and why the blonde would try anything to change the topic of the conversation.

What mostly made sense now was something Ashlyn told her when they were in  Vegas, something the blonde softly confessed when Ali pretty much attacked her wanting to know why Ashlyn hadn’t told her the truth that morning when she woke up with a sleeping (and totally naked)  Ali in her bed.

“ _Because I was happy_ ”, she had said. Ali hadn’t been able to get those words out of her head, everything else kind of seemed to make a twisted sense but not that, that didn’t make any sense to her despite how much she marveled on it.

So she felt stupid, incredibly incredibly stupid that she couldn’t connect the dots earlier, the truth had been in front of her anyway. She simply did not want to see it.

“Why?”, was the first thing that escaped her mouth.

“Hell, Alex, of all the possible things to say, you could have told me to fuck myself and that would have made sense, but why?! What kind of question is that?”

“It’s a question”, Ali shrugged. “So, yeah, Ash, why?”

“Because… because I don’t know.”, Ashlyn exhaled and sat back down, she didn’t think she had the strength anymore to do this. She just felt tired. “Trust me Ali when I say that I don’t because if I knew the reason behind this thing I’d at least knew what I have to change, but no, I have no idea. You’ve always just been there standing in your perfection and one day I simply realized that I likes way more than what a friend is supposed to”.

“When?”

“When what?”

“When did you realize it, uhm, that you are in love with me?”, Ali asked, an uncontrolled blush coloring her cheeks.

It took a bit for Ashlyn to respond, the sufficient time to be brave enough to voice the truth but then, when she finally answered her, Ali was shocked. “Years, Ali. I’ve felt this way forever, I think it started the first time I met you, I simply didn’t know what was going on until a few months later”. As Ashlyn was speaking, a sad smile was appearing on her face. She had imagined this moment a thousand time, she had thought about at least a few thousands ways to confess her love for her best friend (under much different circumstances and for sure a different outcome, she had hoped). Instead, here she was, her already broken heart being ripped from her chest.

“Oh fuck, Ashlyn, it’s been seven years?”, the brunette inquired and Ashlyn didn’t even find the strength to reply so she only nodded.

“Hell, why didn’t you tell me before? I could have helped you!”

“Helped me, Alex, really?!”, she said raising her voice, “And how the fuck could you have ever helped me?! There’s nothing to do, trust me I’ve tried. Plus, what did you want me to say Alex, ‘Hey, look, I know that you are my best friend and that you are straight but you see, I’m in love with you. Let’s date!”.

“I’m sorry”, Ali said after staying silent for a few minutes trying to let her mind process all that had happened in the short time.

“Sorry? About what?”

“I’m so so sorry for not loving you back.”

 

 

 

“You knew right?”

“Alex, is this you?”, Kyle questioned the unusual tone of the person calling from his sister’s phone.

“Yeah, of course it’s me.”, she responded in her best ‘duh’ tone. “You knew, I’m sure you did!”

“Alex, what the hell are you talking about?!”, Kyle confusedly asked.

“About Ashlyn”, Ali stated and the light gasp following by mere silence coming from Kyle had already been an answer. He knew.

“Oh, I guess that if you knew, everybody else did too, right?! When did you find out?”

“Look, I’ve always noticed something weird in her behavior towards you and I’ve been cracking jokes about it since forever but she only confessed it to me when you tore your ACL and she was there for you.” He then paused trying to control his next words. “So, uhm, I’m assuming she told you right?! Or have you finally opened your eyes?”

“Oh really? Opening my eyes? Of course she told me!”

“I’m also assuming it didn’t change anything…”, Kyle pondered deciding to not even pay attention to his sister’s pissed-off tone.

“Of course it didn’t, she’s my best friend, she always will.”

“No, Alex,  I meant if it didn’t change anything…for you?”

“There’s nothing to change, Kyle”, she said, “I love her but I’m not in love with Ashlyn.” While she spoke those words she couldn’t control herself from feeling a soft ache in her chest, she didn’t know why and she sure as hell wasn’t going to question it right then.

“Can I just ask you something?”

“What?”

“This situation, Alex, the whole Vegas thing it’s killing her, you know I’ll always be on your side, but please, try to be patient with Ashlyn. You see, she got to marry the girl she loves and then got heart broken in less than 24 hours. I know this hasn’t been easy at all for you but please, bear with her!”

“I’ll try”, she reassured her brother, her voice cracking as she reflected on those words.

 

 

And she tried.

 

 

 

That night Ali was pacing her room trying to find the right thing to say to her best friend. Needless to say, everything she could think of made her feel incredibly stupid. Or egoistic. Her thoughts were however interrupted by a noise of wheels so she immediately walked to the corridor to see what was happening.

Ashlyn stood there, carrying two bags, exactly what Ali had feared.

“Where are you going Ashlyn?”

“God Alex”, Ashlyn said dropping one of the bags on the ground in terror, “You fucking scared me!” “Uhm, I’m going to stay over to Lori for a few days.”

“Why would you do that?”, Ali asked and Ashlyn cursed herself for being loud, she was trying to sneak out of the house having to face the only thing that could make her change her mind. The exactly hurt-puppy face that Ali had in that moment.

“Please, don’t do this Ali. You already know why.”

“Ashlyn you don’t have to leave. We can…”

“I do Alex, I really have to go. I can’t stay here; it’s too much for me.” Said the goalkeeper, tears threatening to escape her eyes.

Ali knew she was right, she really knew that was the only right thing to do, but she also didn’t want to lose her best friend, she wasn’t prepared for that and Ashlyn’s words felt too much like a goodbye. Of course, she was aware that they had to play together anyway, but this was different, it wasn’t her goalkeeper who was leaving her, it was her best friend.

 “Before you go, can I ask you one last thing Ash?”

“Anything for you.”

She knew it was the most egoistic thing she could ever ask but she really needed it in that moment. She need her best friend but that same person was leaving her right then.

“Can you hold me, please? Just for a second” Ashlyn wanted to say no, she really wanted to turn her back on the beautiful brunette but she couldn’t help but conceding even one last time. This was probably going to be the last time she would ever get the chance to have Ali this close and she was going to take this one for the road.

So she hugged her; holding her close, with Ali’s head tuckered under her neck, was probably the closest to heaven she’d ever felt; but then she could clearly feel Ali’s tears wetting her cheek and she knew that this was her signal, she had to go.

Ashlyn took a small step back and laid a soft kiss on top of Ali’s head, but then, when the brunette lifted her head and faced her Ashlyn couldn’t hold herself from lightly pecking Ali’s lips.

This wasn’t a real kiss, Ali knew that, she could barely feel Ashlyn’s lips on her own, and she had only ever kissed Ashlyn twice (that could she remember, of course), but while the first time it felt like coming home this one left her with the exactly same emotion she felt the first time she left for Germany. She was lost. So despite the voice in the back of her head screaming _don’t let her go_ , she stood there motionless because by the time she was able to breathe again Ashlyn was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking the longest break between the updates and I'm also sorry if this plainly sucks, anyways, if you want to, let me know what you thought of the story!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this hasn't been beta(d) but I wanted to update it tonight before going to sleep 'cause it's Valentine's day soo... I promise I'll correct it tomorrow! But PLEASE let me know what you think of the story! :D

“You are telling me that even though you knocked at my door at like midnight, probably waking up my neighborhood, and have been drinking all of my alcohol since, you won’t even tell me what happened?”, Lori asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee. The fourth one, actually. Her eyes begging for some rest.   She was really going to sleep when she heard somebody practically punching at her door and when she opened it she found Ashlyn, two bags on the ground and an empty bottle of vodka in her right hand.

She knew, Lori immediately understood that as the proverb goes, shit had really hit the fan.

So here they were, sitting at Lori’s dinner table and continuously pouring themselves something that would let them stay awake. She had no intention of going to sleep without knowing what happened, especially considering that when Ashlyn was drunk she was vary more willing to spill the truth. (That was the exact way that she had found out about Ashlyn’s crush on her best friend).

Oh, and the truth was really near now, due to the fact that she kept pouring herself Lori’s expensive whiskey that she got from the liquor cabin as soon as Lori let her in.

“There’s nothing to say.” Ashlyn finally answered to one of the many questions Lori had asked her.

“Of course something happened Ashlyn, I’m your friend and I’m kind of worried considering how upset you are right now. Come on…”

Still nothing.

“I’ll tell you what I think and you’ll tell me if I’m right?”, to Ashlyn’s nod she continued, “So, either Ali kicked you out or…”

“She didn’t.” , Ashlyn slurred out.

“She didn’t…what? Fucking hell Ashlyn, I need something to work with here and your two word sentence don’t mean a fucking thing.”

“She didn’t kick me out…” Ashlyn paused and looked Lori straight in the face. “I left.”

“Are you dumb?! Why the fuck did you leave her?” Lori pressed on.

“She wouldn’t stop asking questions, is that a good enough reason Lori?! I told her I fucking love her and than she just couldn’t stop asking questions. She wanted to know when did it start and she kept asking me why… How the fuck do you explain that to the woman you are in love with?!”, Ashlyn explained, the alcohol’s effect showing in the way she weirdly spoke. Lori was having an hard time following her words but she couldn’t interrupt her now, Ashlyn had to say everything out loud.

“How the fuck do you tell her than even waking up in the morning hurts you because you just want to kiss her when she’s there sitting all sleepy and cut and how do you explain that a simple goodnight isn’t enough?! Because I need her, you know, and not as a best friend. Not now. So yeah, it was breaking my heart so much that I just had to leave.”

“God, Ash I’m so sorry…” Lori said as she sat on the chair near Ash’s one and held her shaking hand which was actually risking to drop her coffee.

“No, please, at least you don’t pity me, it only makes me feel much worse.”

“Ashlyn, nobody here is pitying you…” she tried to comfort her fiend.

“Oh stop with this bullshit, I know you all are… it’s normal, I understand. But please don’t feel sorry for me, I fucked it all up by myself so I kinda deserve. I mean, even Ali pities me now, she said that she’s sorry. She said she’s sorry for not loving me back.” Right then she lost it, she had tried to be tough, to not cry in front of other people, to not show anybody how actually broken she was. There was no way to prevent her tears from cascading freely.

“Ash, I’m sure she didn’t…” Lori said as she got up to get Ashlyn a tissue (which was useless since the blonde kept drying her face with her sleeve), but as usual when the keeper was in a rant, Lori was interrupted.

“It doesn’t make sense at all, is that supposed to make me feel better?! I know it probably was something she needed to say to make herself feel better but”, she paused, “It just crushed me.”

Lori was speechless, she really didn’t know what to say, everything seemed so stupid and she knew that it wouldn’t make her friend feel better.

So she took the bottle of whiskey she had took away from Ashlyn hand earlier and got two clean shot glasses before speaking, “You are welcome to stay here as long as you wish, ok? Only one rule, since I know how you usually cope with your feeling problems… no one night stand under this roof, okay?”

And for the first time in weeks, just as she drank her shot, Ashlyn smiled.

 

 

 

Ali called Ashlyn several times during that week but the goalkeeper never picked up and she considered that it would not really be fair to call Lori because she didn’t want to force her friend to pick sides. She also tried to talk to Ashlyn during training, cornering her during warm ups, jogging up to her during laps, but of course the blonde always had a great excuse to get out of confrontation and for most of the time she just tried to avoid her.

Ali could not blame her though, if she was Ashlyn she would have avoided herself too.

But she wasn’t. She was Ali, and Ali fucking needed her best friend. She needed her back and she could just hope that one day Ashlyn would be ready to be friends again.

 

Ali had just finished speaking with Garreth, telling him that she couldn’t go out with him that night. Honestly, she was surprised he still called her, after all it had been almost 2 weeks since their last date and after that she always had to come up with a good excuse to bail on him. It’s not that she didn’t like him, which she did, it’s just that he had been insisting on meeting some of her friend and maybe go on a double date with her best friend. It’s not really an easy thing to explain to your boyfriend that the girl you introduced to him as your best friend is actually the person you got drunk with in Vegas and end up getting married with. So yeah, she called out ‘sick’. It was a white lie, right?

(Not like the other ones.)

She was dwelling on those thoughts when she heard a knock on the door and it was no surprise when she saw Kyle’s face through the peephole.

It was the usual day of the week he would show up to visit the ‘happy couple’ but Ali would have bet her life on the fact that he already knew everything.

And the contrite look on his face proved her right.

 

“Hey”, Ali said as she furtherly opened the door to let her brother in, “Considering that you always find out things before I even talk to you I’m sure you already know that Ashlyn’s not here and that she left, am I right?”.

“When are you not right?”, Kyle said as he tightly hugged his sister.

“Great…”, Ali said sarcastically as she unwrapped from the comfortable hug; “I’m already feeling like shit if you came here to make me feel bad, it’s already too late”. She weakly said as she walked to the sofa and plopped on it. “I don’t think it can get even worse than this, so just go on and blame it on me…”

“Of course I’m not here to make you feel bad and blame things on you, I’m well aware that you would never hurt her on purpose!”, Kyle sat next to where her head was so that she could rest her head on his lap.

“Then why did she leave? Why has she left me, Kyle? Why is my best friend not here with me?”, she asked, both hands in her face, trying to cover her hurt expression.

Kyle knew anyway.

“She didn’t leave you…”, he said as he began to stroke her hair. It was something he always did when she was upset; he knew that sometimes it was the only way to make her relax.

“Oh come on, then why is she sleeping at Lori’s? Why won’t she even talk to me at practice?” She exclaimed, her tone strongly rising. Kyle could easily just how sad she was even though she was trying to cover everything up with anger. “She doesn’t even look at me while we are playing! You know freaking Mark called me in his office because he noticed that we were both off of our game?!”, she continued.

“Alex, I talked to her, she didn’t leave you and if it was up to her I’m pretty sure she’d want to be with you, but she’s doing it for your friendship, she’s trying to save it, to don’t let it be destroyed. And in order to do that she needs to be away from you, Alex, you are too smart not to understand it. She has to get over you, otherwise there’s no way she’ll ever be able to just be your friend”.

“It’s just that..”, Ali muttered, her tone now a bare whisper, “She promised me, she fucking swore that we’d always be best friend. She looked into my eyes and told me she’d never leave my side…”

Kyle had no answer to that, not even a sarcastic remark to ease up what he was going to say next. So he just waited and waited, until her breathing evened out and he just before she fell asleep he said:

“She signed it, Alex.”

“What?”, the brunette asked, quite confused considering that she was almost asleep.

“The divorce papers”, he promptly answered. There was no way to make this sound any better. “She asked me to bring them to her… And she signed it. I have them in my backpack so this whole marriage thing will be over soon, you’ll just have to sign them too”.

Kyle could literally see the wheels spinning in her head and then she suddenly got up and went to get Kyle’s bag and without asking for permission, she opened it to find the file.

She got back to the couch and sat next to her brother again, the calm features Kyle had seen a few minutes ago completely changed, her face straight and tense.

Kyle watched as she browsed through the first pages slowly, then she rushed to the last one where she could clearly see Ashlyn’s sign.

Ali kept staring at the page until Kyle coughed a little to get her out of her state.

“She kissed me goodbye.” Ali explained, as if Kyle could understand where this was going. He didn’t. “Those might not be her intentions now but I know Kyle, I know that if I sign those papers I’ll lose her. Forever.” She breathed out that last word with closed eyes, as if she could not manage to face the truth. “And she’s my best friend, Kyle. I can’t.”

“So, what are you going to do?”, Kyle inquired.

“I won’t sign it”, she said as she got up and hidden the papers in one of her drawers. “Not yet.”

 

It was only when Ali turned her back to him that Kyle finally changed his expression. A faint smirk on his face while on the inside he was full blown smiling.

_Oh, Alex._

**3 days before**

_She had just got home from her morning jog when she decided to finally make the call she’d been dwelling on for the past few days. Running, just like usual, had helped her clear her mind._

_He answered in the exact moment she had opened the door and got into Lori’s house._

_“Hey Ash, what’s up?”, he said when he picked up._

_“Kyle”, she said, a knot already forming in her throat as she spoke. “I need you to bring me the divorce papers.”_

_He didn’t reply right away and Ashlyn actually thought he had hung up but then he finally spoke: “This is not how it works Ash…”_  
  


_“I don’t give a fuck about how this works, it’s not a game, Kyle, I’m tired of this situation”, she snapped. “Just bring them as soon as possible, alright?!”_

_“Fuck, Ashlyn, what happened?”, he stammered, understanding that something was really wrong._

_“I couldn’t live with her, it was killing me”, Ashlyn sobbed, “ I’m staying at Lori’s now but I’ll find my own place soon. I just need to sign those papers so this whole nightmare will be over.”_

_Kyle was lost, of all the situations he could ever imagine this actually came as a surprise to him. He knew that the girls’ current state was messed up but he thought that they had already hit rock bottom, but, boy was he wrong._

_Cause if it was rock bottom before, now they were really scratching down even further._

_This could not happen, not if he could try to help it. It was not because he wanted a fucking fairytale ending for them; he wasn’t conspiring to witness a love story. No, he didn’t give a fuck about that. He was doing this because what he only ever wanted for his sister’s happiness and there was something he could never forget. When Ali broke her ACL and MCL in that freaking hell of a game, he could still clearly remember how lifeless she had been for over a week, she refused to even speak to her family after her surgety. Until she got there, until Ashlyn showed up one morning to their house. As soon as Ali saw her Kyle could clearly see something in her eyes, something different._

_He knew that he had been right all along._

_Ali just didn’t know yet._

_“Ugh, you know that when Ali was 4 my father signed her up for soccer?”, Kyle abruptly stated._

_“What does this have to do with…”, Ashlyn confusedly whispered but he didn’t even give her time to finish her sentence._

_“She hated it, she said that she hated to sweat and she couldn’t stand long socks… So she dropped but the moment I started playing it she would cry every single day because she said that she loved it and that she wanted to play again. And look where she is now with the world cup and stuff…”_

_“It’s a great story Kyle but I still am not following where this is going…”_

_“Alexandra is my sister and I know here pretty freaking well”, her finally acknowledged, “ and if there is one single this I know about her is that she always realizes how much she wants and loves thing only when they are not hers anymore.”_

_“Ok, so what?”, she inquired._

**_“I think it’s time for a plan.”_ **


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, as usual (sorry), it hasn't been beta(d) or corrected again but I just got home (it's 2 am over here) but I really wanted to have this posted so hopefully it won't suck too much!  
> I promise to correct it tomorrow... Oh, and please, let me know what you think of it!

The team had just won the first game of pre-season against Penn State and after Mark had congratulated the girls, they were in the locker room celebrating. Which pretty much consisted in lots cheering and water bottles being emptied on people’s heads.

“Guys, I think we should totally go out to celebrate tonight!” Toni said after the joyful screaming of the girls had finally calmed down.

“I’m in, what about the bar near the plex?” Chantel suggested and all the rest of the girls agreed. All except Ashlyn and Ali.

“Ash, what about you? You coming?”, the younger goalkeeper inquired noticing the silence.

“Ehm, guys, honestly, I don’t really feel like going out… I’m pretty tired and sore from the all hits I got!”, Ashlyn explained, silently wishing that Chantel would just drop it and go bug someone else.

“Oh come on!”, said Lori, as she put an hand on her shoulder. “You HAVE to go out with us so you can introduce Julia to the girls!”

“Who’s Julia?” a few voices asked but Ashlyn could not help but notice how Ali completely tensed at the bare mention of a girl’s name.

“The girl Ashlyn’s dating!”, Lori answered before she could even open her mouth.

“Oh my god!”, Stephanie squealed. “We totally have to meet this girl, I mean she has to be quite special if she’s dating THE Ashlyn Harris, right?”

“Yeah, she’s quite special…”,  Ashlyn muttered and shyly smiled. When she faced Lori again she thanked god for the presence of other people in the room otherwise she could have easily strangled her for probably blowing up her plan. Oh, and it showed in her eyes but Lori didn’t seem phased at all brushed her off with a thumbs up.

“So it’s a deal, tonight at 8.30. Everybody in?” Toni asked one more time for confirmations.

“Uhm, actually girl. I don’t think I can make it”, the group heard Ali state in a blank tone. “I already had something to do tonight and I don’t think I can postpone it…”

The news had clearly affected her too. She didn’t know why, it’s not like Ashlyn hadn’t been with any girls before. This time it was just different. She could feel it.

“Oh Kriegy, that sucks!”, a bunch of her teammates groaned. “Are you sure you can’t make it? Even a bit later?”, Tori asked.

“Pretty positive, sorry. Have fun though and don’t miss me too much!” Ali then exclaimed trying to light up the mood a bit.

 

 

As Ali was unlocking her car, she heard her name being called and turned around. Surprisingly enough, Ashlyn was running up to her to catch up before she left.

Maybe Ali could try to deny her feelings, but her heartbeat in that one exact moment was a loud and clear statement.

“Uhm… Hey, Alex.”, Ashlyn spoke. It was embarrassing how awkward she felt in that moment; after all it was her best friend the one standing in front of her. But again, two best friends don’t go entire weeks without talking to each other.

“Ash, hey, what’s up?”, Ali tried to appear unbothered and her usual self.

“Look, I was wandering if I could come to the apartment later to get some of my nice clothes since I think I left most of them there, is it alright or….”, Ashlyn questioned in a rush. Afraid of the brunette’s reaction.

“Oh, yeah, of course you can! Ash, that’s still your place too! Come when you want! After all you have to look nice for your date with the amazing Julia, right?” Ali said. A big smile on her face. A hearth hurting in her chest.

“Cool”, she answered, incredibly proud of how the conversation went. “I’ll see you later. I’ll come by at 7, I know you are busy later and I don’t want to get in the way!”.

 

When Ashlyn got to her old apartment and knocked on the door, since she didn’t really think it would be right to use her keys considering the situation, Ali wasn’t the one who opened it for her.

Garreth was.

_Of course, two can play this game_

 “Hi, can I help you?”, Garreth asked, a dumb expression on his face. As if he was trying to remember her from somewhere. Of course, though, he had recognized her immediately.

“Not really”, she answered coldly. “I’m here to grab some of my clothes… Isn’t Ali here?”

“Oh, yeah, you must be Ashlyn.” _Duh_ “I think we’ve seen each other a few times, sorry, I’ve got bad memory”. He said trying to joke and winked at her.

 “Ali is in the bathroom”, he explained after he, of course, didn’t get a reaction from the blonde. “She said she needed a shower, you know?!” He said and smirked, proving to be the exact jerk she thought he was. “Buuuuut she told me you would come, so, please come in…”

Hearing that, jealousy got the best of her. She went directly to her room without acknowledging the other things he was saying, opened the closet and started folding her shirts and jackets. Last, she opened the first dresser and got a few bowties and ties.

Ashlyn was done and was ready to leave before Ali was even out to greet her. But as she was near the door she heard Ali’s ‘boyfriend’ _Garreth_ calling her.

“Hey, Ashlyn, I think we might have started with the wrong foot.” He tried to reason with her. He was holding a mug, a red mug. Her mug. The one Ali bought her in Germany. _Oh, this wasn’t going well at all._

“Look, I know how girls like you are…” he continued, eyeing her upside down, clearly hinting at her sexuality. Ashlyn had to keep herself from punching him straight in the face. “And I know that clearly Ali is a hot chick, but look, she’s straight. And she’s into me. So, just do yourself and you best friend a favor and just pretend you can at least stand me, okay? ‘Cause whatever is going on, it’s upsetting Ali.  Please, just get over with this shit and accept the fact that you’ll never get her.” Garreth stated, smiled at her, and proceeded to sip from his mug, **her** mug.

“Well”, Ashlyn answered. “Do me a favor, Garreth,  and tell my BFF that her ex-wife passed by.”

And with that she was out of the door.

 

 

The team was having fun had the bar and they all seemed to love Julia. What they mostly enjoyed doing thought was teasing their teammate over finally settling down and no more having to witness Ashlyn’s antics in hitting on the ladies.

Acting, well, that was a skill Ashlyn never thought she had. But after all, it shouldn’t really have been a surprise considering that she had been able to hide her love for her best friend for a really long time. At least from the brunette, cause actually it appeared that everybody else actually knew.

_Even stupid Garreth_

When the girls seemed interested enough with the story that Julia was telling them about the first time they met (which they had previously agreed on in the car ride), she allowed herself to have a little break from the group and with the excuse of getting more shots for them Ashlyn went outside to calm down a bit.

The whole day had been just too much for her.

“YOU!”

She turned around and saw Ali practically storming towards her. She didn’t even have time to react before she was pushed and stumbled to keep her balance.

“You fucking bitch, you had no right to do what you did!”, Ali screamed at her.

“Ali, what the fuck, calm down, I don’t know what you are talking about?”,  Ashlyn said, defending herself.

“Oh, really?! Telling Garreth that we were married? That was low, Ashlyn, even for you.”

“God, is this what it is all about? Don’t over-react, he was just being an asshole…”

“Over reacting? I’m OVER REACTING?! How easy do you think that it can be to explain to the guy you are dating that you got married to your best friend in Vegas? Uh? That you were married to a woman? I don’t even know if he’s going to break up with me?

“Well, it’s not my fault he’s such an idiot, Alex…”. Ashlyn stated, having had enough of his bullshit.

“Oh, just get over yourself Ashlyn.” Ali ordered, “I really don’t deserve this…”

“Hey, is everything alright?” A voice interrupted them.

“Yeah, babe.” Ashlyn answered and at the pet name Ali immediately turned around to look at the source of the voice.

 _Of fucking course,_ Ali thought, _the girl had to look as she was out of a magazine. With long hazelnut hair and a body of a fucking Victoria secret’s angel._

“Me and Ali here were just discussing something...”, she explained as the girl got near and immediately the goalkeeper’s arm sneaked behind her waist.

Something she always did to Ali when they were together and it did not go unnoticed.

“Oh, you are the famous Ali!” Julia beamed. “It’s so nice to finally meet you and put a face to the name. Just as beautiful as she told me though. I’m Julia, by the way.”

“I bet you are”, Ali muttered. “Nice to meet you too.”

After an awkward silence, Ashlyn said “Well, I’ll go get us some drinks, ok? Ali are you staying?”

“Oh, no, I’m heading back home.” Ashlyn nodded and walked away, the two girls now alone on the sidewalk.

Just as Ali was leaving giving a last glance to what was rapidly becoming her former best friend, Julia looked at her and recognized something in her eyes.

“It’s okay, you know.” Julia said, “To still be in love with her. I would too, you know. Ashlyn is quite something.”

 

No answer was needed.

Ali just left.

Alone in her bed that night, she never fell asleep.

In another bed, a few miles apart, Ashlyn didn’t either.

 

 

 

 

_“Hey Julia”, Ashlyn said when the girl on the other side picked up. “It’s Ash.”_

_“Ash? As in the Ashlyn Harris?”_

_“Yeah, that one…”, Ashlyn laughed._

_“Oh my God, and to what do I owe the honor?”_

_“Well, I kind of need a favor?”_

_“Of course you do…”, the girl joked._

_“Oh, c’mon, that’s not true”_

_“I’m just kidding, Ash, I’m just happy you finally called! I’d do anything for you, so just tell me what do you need…”_

_“I need you to be my girlfriend for a night.”_


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, as usual this hasn't been betad yet but I really wanted to update it tonight so I'm really sorry if it sucks... I'll try to correct grammar or stuff as soon as possible... Ps. Pleast, let me know what you think of this one!

_****_

Morning came and found Ali still awake, restless in her bed. She decided she could not stand to be another minute lying there and with an huff she got up. A run, yes, a run was the only thing that could be of any help in that moment. The only way she hoped she’d be able to clear up her head.

Of course, even while getting ready Ali already knew it wouldn’t work. After all she had just spent the whole night thinking about her situation. But as soon as outside there was a little bit of sunlight (enough to not be mistaken for a psycho) she got up.

Julia’s word kept showing up in her mind, no matter how hard she tried to forget them. To not think about them. “ _It’s okay to still be in love with her”._ She was so mad that the girl dared to say something like that. It wasn’t true, not at all, far from it, she reasoned. Ali decided that those words were given to things Ashlyn must have told her. Lies of course. Or maybe _Julia_ was just trying to make her jealous, Ali thought. Jealous of what, though?! She wasn’t in love with Ashlyn, she never was, she told herself. It was the only thing Ali could actually accept right then.

Still, those words were on a loop in the back of her head. She hated it. She hated when even her thoughts were working against her.

Ali didn’t even bother to put on a jacket (in spite of the cold Washington weather), the moment she was covered enough she was out of the door sprinting. She ran. Ran like a crazy, until her legs could not move anymore and her lungs were hurting. 

Ali sat on the first bench she found, trying to get her breathing functions back.

Her mind failed her once again. Her thoughts directly going back to where she stopped them.

_Fucking hell_

 

Morning came and found Ashlyn still awake. The whole night spent feeling guilty about her actions. The blonde thought that maybe what she was doing wasn’t fair to Ali, the alcohol in her system from the night before not making things any easier.

Plus, the Garreth accident.

She just wanted Ali to realize she was in love with her, just like everyone else said. Ashlyn still had an hard time believing that, believing them. In all those years, she thought, she would have realized it. But what they were telling her was enough to give her the only thing she was left with. Hope. Hope to get her dream girl. Reality was another story. In fact,it seemed that  everything she was doing only led to Ali hating her. She just couldn’t let that happen.

She needed to apologize.

 

Morning came and found both of them awake. Thinking about each other. Both of them sure that the other one was thinking about someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, well, well. Guess who finally remembered of her best friend?”

“Pinoe, c’mon, don’t be exaggerated!”, Ali tried to reason with her. Even though she knew the short-haired blonde was right. Things had been so messed up lately that she didn’t even know what to tell to her friend. SO she simply did not call at all.

“Me? Exaggerated? Girl, I haven’t heard from you in weeks!”, Megan sassily answered.

“It wasn’t that long”, the brunette bluntly lied. It was THAT long.

“Yeah, you lying bitch. But since I’m kinda at heart I’ll still listen to you. What was that message about?”, Megan curiously inquired.

“It was kinda of self explaining, wasn’t it?”

That morning, noticing how even working out didn’t help her, Ali realized that she needed to talk to somebody. Ali decided that this time she didn’t want to bother Kyle, she needed a girl friend advice. Thus, she sent a very cryptic message to Megan. The content really made sense to her though.

“No, Kriegs, it literally was ‘who does that bitch think she is?’ ”. Not self-explanatory at all. Who’s the bitch? Ash? Cause, you know that I won’t pick sides.” Of course Megan already knew the full story, Ashlyn had called her and even if the blonde hadn’t, Lori would have never been capable of hiding something from her best friend. However, shehe knew Ali needed to let it all out, knowing her best friend she knew how Ali was probably bottling it all up. This was her chance to say things out loud.

“Julia.”, Ali fumed, her dislike of the girl clear from the way she pronounced her name.

“Who’s Julia now?”

“Ashlyn’s date, haven’t you heard?”. Ali asked, Pinoe had of course already heard.

To Meghan’s negative answer Ali directly responded by telling her the whole story. No further question needed to be asked. Ali was actually so far gone in her rant that Pinoe had to hide her amusement. If this was really Ali’s reaction, _oh boy_ , things were really going just as planned.

“So, wait”, Megan asked when the defender had finally taken a break from rambling, “Why does this even bother you? Are you not happy that Ashlyn is with someone else? I mean… Isn’t that what you wanted?”.

“Pinoe, focus, you are not listening”. Pinoe was definitely listening, but she even had to muffle a chuckle to the tone in her answer. When the girls told Megan of the fake-girlfriend plan she was sure it was going to be a failure which made a thousands time better how worked up Ali was. “Last night she implied that I’m still in love with Ashlyn. Still?? _Still?_ I never was, for fucks sake!”

“Okay”, Megan answered before thinking about it what she said and then replying, “but were you making that puppy face you and Ash do when you look at each other?”

“We, especially I, don’t make any faces!”

“Oh, yes you do. You must have fooled Julie!”, Megan told her and bluntly laughed at the girl.

“She wasn’t fooled at all, shut you mouth. She was just trying to get a reaction out of me” Ali said, the anger from last night now coming back at the mere thought.

“Well, maybe she did… or maybe she didn’t. I’m just saying that just like it fooled an entire team...” Even if it were still debatable if Julia’s words were a provocation, there was no doubt that Pinoe’s implication was.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about whispers at dinner tables, giggling with each other, cuddling during movie night, holding hand anywere. We’ve been sure for years that there was something going on… Even I, despite being your close friend, had to ask you what was going on… You know, one could easily misunderstand those things!”

 

That was something that left a perplexed Ali.

More than that, an even more stressed Krieger.

 

 

 

Not even going shopping helped her to relax. Not even her favorite kind of shopping (buying bags with her mum) worked. It was probably though because she knew it was a lie; her favorite shopping was always going to be dress shopping with Ash. That one never failed. It was the expression on Ashlyn’s face when she tried on a new dress that made everything much better. It was that one single smirk, the one she had grown to know through the years that could make her forget the bad stuff going on in her life. She even enjoyed Ali’s fed up behavior, despite how much she usually chastised her for slumping on the first possible seat. After all she knew that no matter how many time the blonde huffed in annoyance or threatened to leave the store Ashlyn loved those moments too.

Of course though, Ali would never admit how peculiar it would look from an outside perspective. According to her it was all part of the ‘best friend bond’.

Nonetheless, Ali never took any of her boyfriend shopping with her.

 

When she got back home, Ali was surprised to find Garreth’s car parked in front of her home. She parked hers too, grabbed the bags from her trunk and then got inside.

She looked for her boyfriend and called his name many many times without ever being answered.

“Garreth”, she said one last time once she found him in her bedroom, her closet completely open as he threw some clothes in a gym bag. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, hey Ali”, Garreth stuttered, “I didn’t even hear you coming in…”

The tall man didn’t even bother to look at her in the face, a thing Ali had always despised.

“You haven’t answered me… what’s going on?”, she requested once again.

“I’m just getting my stuff and then I’ll leave, don’t worry about it… go grab a coffee or something.”, Garreth snapped at the defender as he seemed to have gotten everything he needed and was zipping up the bag.

“What? Why?”

“Ali”, he finally faced her and explained, “I’ve thought about it and I can’t.. I think we should break up... I can’t be with you, not after what I’ve recently discovered…”

“You mean what Ash said…”, she fumed.

“Yeah, Ali, it was something you should have told me… I had a right to know.” Oh, Ali was sooo mad at the blonde right now.

“Look, Garreth, “, Ali reported, “I’m sorry I haven’t told you before… It’s just that it was all a drunk mistake, there was simply nothing to be told more than that. I think you are overreacting a bit.”

 

“Overreacting?! I’m over reacting?”, he hissed, “Jesus Christ, Ali, I’ve had to find out by someone else that you are actually already married?! To a girl! The same girl that you are practically still living with! This makes no fucking sense at all!”

He spoke and then tried to leave the room but Ali stopped him by his arm.

“Please, babe”, she whispered, “Just hear me out, we are divorcing! There is nothing to discuss about it!”

“Oh, don’t babe me, I’ve had enough of your lies” Garreth fumed and moved Ali’s hand from his arm, “There is everything to discuss here! I asked you the first time I met her, I specifically asked what kind of relationship was going between you too and I clearly remember you telling me she was just your best friend!” He was now raising his voice and there was no trace of the friendly tone he used when he introduced himself to Ali.  “I knew it since the beginning, I was right all along!”

“About what?”, she confusedly asked.

“Oh, don’t fake innocence now Ali, it doesn’t suit you at all. That dike has had you since forever” he spitted out.

Suddenly, Ali wasn’t mad at Ashlyn anymore.

“You know Garreth, despite how much I can be mad with Ashlyn she’s still my best friend so I won’t let you use those words about her. Or about anyone actually. Leave. Now. Before I kick you out.” Ali ordered, she then turned around and dried the lone tear from her cheek. Of the many things that had happened, she did not know to what that tear was due to.

“Best friend my ass”, Ali heard him say as he slammed the door. “You are in love with her.”

 

 

Ali refused to let her fight with Garreth influence her playing, she decided she would not let that idiot ruin it for you. There were already too many factors fucking things up for her.

The day that followed, she used all of her bottled up emotions to play as good as possible. She was trying to send out a clear message. And she did.

The whole team congratulated her, their defender finally seeming to be back. Mark told her the same too.

She was the last one to hit the showers (apparently the ordinary drills were not enough to tire her out so she kept practicing for an over 20 minutes).

When Ali finally got dressed and headed to her car she found somebody already leaning against her car-door.

Ali didn’t recognize the shadow until she had almost faced her.

“Hey you”, the voice spoke, now face to face with the defender.

“Hey Ashlyn”, Ali whispered. An ‘I miss you’ fighting to come out of her mouth.

“Ehm, you were great out there today, Als, really great!”, Ashlyn said.

“Thank you, really.” Ali beamed, “It means a lot coming for you”, she stated and the brunette could not fail to notice the blushing spreading on her face.  No matter how much Ashlyn tried, how much she convinced herself that she was getting over it, Ali always had that effect on her.

They both let those words linger for a bit before Ashlyn finally broke the ice and spoke. “Look, Ali, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry for what I did, I had no right to say those things to Garreth. I don’t even know why I did it, I just got so mad and…”, Ashlyn stammered before being interrupted.

“It’s no problem.” Ali simply said.

“Wait, what? Really?”, a quite surprised Ashlyn asked.

“Yeah, you kind of made me a favor…” she explained, “It finally showed how much of an asshole he actually is.”

“Well, I wouldn’t actually say ‘I told you so’ but… ”, Ashlyn joked and winked. If Ashlyn wouldn’t have been to preoccupied to keep her feelings in check, she could have easily noticed a pink shadow on the Ali’s cheeks.  

“I won’t thank you then, but… you know”. She knew, of course she knew.

Ali watched the blonde in silence, studying her tense posture and took that as a sign of hurry. “I’ll let you go now, I’m sure someone is waiting for you”. Ali said.

“Who?”, Ashlyn panicked before understanding what she meant. “Oh, yeah, yeah, she’s waiting for me”. _Stick to the plan, Ash, For fuck’s sake._

“Goodnight Ash”, Ali said as goalkeeper moved out of her way and opened Ali’s door for her.

“Goodnight Alex”, Ashlyn replyed and then waited for Ali to start her engine and drive away.

 _Maybe she’s not really in a hurry,_ Ali thought has she kept glancing at the figure of the blonde in her rearview mirror until she was out of sight.

 

 

Later that night as soon as Ali walked in her house she went straight for the divorce paper and took them. Poured herself a glass of wine and sat on her bed looking at the yellow file.

She flipped the pages till the signing sheet where Ashlyn’s sign laid and hers did not.

Ali would later blame the wine but without a second thought, she ripped the papers in many little pieces.

A satisfied grin on her face.

 

Weirdly, that night, she easily fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I think I'm getting a bit better at updating (hopefully faster than Wambach's run)! I know this might suck cause it's not been betad as usually but I promise I'll ask someone to help me from next chapter! This one is a bit longer than usual so maybe it'll make up for the mistakes...

Kyle was fixing his last client’s hair when he saw his sister walk in the hair saloon he was working at.

“Hey, Sis”, he welcomed her, “Did you finally understand that you really need an hair cut?”

“Hey Kyle, nice to see you too!”, she joked and she pretended to blow a kiss in his direction, “Oh, and thanks for being kind as usual!”

“You don’t have an appointment, right?”, Kyle asked considering that whenever she needed to get an appointment she would make him take it for her.

“Uhm..”, Ali stuttered, now actually remembering why she went to the other side of town to meet her brother, “I actually came by because I had to talk to you about something but, I mean, if possible, I’d totally get my hair done”. She said in the end trying to light up the mood.

“Oh, ‘right! Just give me 5 minutes and I’ll be done with Ellie here”, he said pointing to the girl sat in front of him, “and then I’m all yours”.

As soon as Ali walked a bit further he noticed how Ellie was still looking at his sister weirdly. “Is everything okay?”, he curiously asked.

“Is your sister Ali Krieger?”, the red-head sitting in front of him inquired, “THE Ali Krieger?”

“Yeah”, he simply answered now totally used to this reaction by his clients when the finally connected the dots or met her.

“Wow, Kyle, she’s so so great!”

“I know, she’s pretty special.” He agreed and with a final touch the girl was ready to go.

 

Once he was done Ellie, he went over to the couch Ali had sat on. “Soooo, kid, tell me, I’m all ears now.”, Kyle told her.

 “Kyle, I think I really really need your help” Ali said in an a shaking voice and Kyle’s mind immediately went to the worst possible scenarios.

“God, Ali, did you kill somebody?” He inquired, not really serious (but not really kidding either).

“No God no, Kyle”, she said and Kyle finally got his breathing functions back “I just need your help to understand something.”

“Alright, sure. Don’t freak me out, just tell me what’s bothering you”.

“Uhm.. there are no divorce papers anymore.” Ali said, hoping that Kyle would get the hint and not make her say everything she couldn’t even tell herself.

“Your divorce papers?” He asked and Ali nodded, “Why?”

“I kind of ripped them last night”. Ali explained but the situation still made no sense to him.

“What? What did you do?” Kyle questioned, not really believing what he was hearing.

“I destroyed them, Kyle, I fuckin threw them away.”

“And this is what is confusing you? Ali, I’m sure there are other copies of the documents, don’t worry about it…”, Kyle prodded, he really was not understand what she was trying to say.

“No, Kyle, you are not listening. I did it on purpose.” She finally said, and even Ali was surprised that she admitted it.

“Oh, well, and this is bad?”, he questioned his sister but he could only think of how good this was if it was heading in the direction he hoped.

“This is what is fucking confusing me, Kyle. I don’t even have any idea of why I did it… I just know that I was holding them and when I ripped them I felt so damn liberated, like the weight if the world had been lifted from my shoulders.”

“Ali, honey, I don’t know how to tell you…”, but he couldn’t even finish his sentence because Ali interrupted him to continue her rant.

“Yesterday, Garreth broke up with me”, Ali told her brother and he could already feel his anger boil up at the mere mention of that idiot’s name. “He said things that made me think a lot…”

“Sis, he’s just a douchbag and whatever he said it was just bullshit, don’t mind him.”, Kyle said, trying to console her as he wrapped up his arms around Ali.”

“No, Kyle, the point is.. I think he was right”, she whispered, “I met Ashlyn later, you know, and it just really brightened my shitty day and I don’t know, those papers just had to disapper.”

He didn’t answer right away, he analyzed what Ali had just said and waited until Ali looked at him in the eyes before speaking. “Ali, you know right that this sounds a lot like…” Kyle insinuated.

 “Don’t say it, please. I know you just want to tell me ‘I told you so’ but I’m not prepared to hear it.”

“Ali, baby, you are the strongest person I know and this is not at all the scariest thing that has happened to you. You just have to face the truth”

“And how do I do it?”, she asked.

“You start off by saying it out loud”, Kyle answered, his hearth close to exploding in his chest as he prepared himself for what he was about to hear.

“I-I think I have a crush on my best friend. I think I have a crush on Ashlyn.”

 

 

 Ali feared that admitting something like that would totally upset her, she thought that voicing her realization might end up in confusing her furthermore. She really didn’t expect the incredible feeling that took over her in that moment. It was just like as if the reality had always been clear to her, it just needed to be said out loud.

In that moment, just by admitting her thoughts everything became complicated and easy at the same time. This was the explanation she had been waiting for all along, it was the only way she could finally understand why it had always been so difficult for her to love someone, as if all the guys she had dated, all the boyfriends she had seemed to lack something that could make her fall in love completely. A feeling that had only increased lately, and it takes no genius to realize that the improvement was due to her meeting with Ashlyn.

_Ashlyn. Her best friend._

_How could she not have suspected of this in all these years? How could she have been so blind? So willing to not understand something that seemed to be perfectly clear to anybody else?_

_Ashlyn. Her Ashlyn._

_The same girl that got on a plane the very moment she got injured and by the time she was out of surgery was already there, next to her._

_Ashlyn. Her Goalkeeper._

_The woman that praised her after every game pretending that everything was okay, that her hearth didn’t break every time the roster was released and she was not in goal. The same woman that would always ask her how she was feeling and if she wanted to hand over her bag to be carried, despite the fact that she practically had just been through the same training._

_How the hell can you not understand that you are in love with the player that decided to come keep you company and play in the other side of the world? Ashlyn was there, always there for you. She was the shoulder you cried on when you fought with your then boyfriend, when you got hurt. Hers was the first present you got that Christmas. And the coffee she drank the morning after. With her you celebrated after your team won (even when it was her team that got beaten)._

_Ashlyn. The ticked girl._

_Always on a plane to get to you. On a train to come to your city. Taxy drivers knew your address thanks to the many times she came to your house. Both in DC and Frankfurt._

_She was always on the moving but if you are a little bit honest with yourself, she was the only stable point in your life._

_Ashlyn. In love with you._

_And how you managed to never discovered your feelings either will always be a mistery. After all, hers were the arms you wanted wrapped around you when you had surgery. Hers were the eyes you were looking for when the doctors came in to tell you the updates. It was her number the first one you called on Christmas Day,  even before your mom, dad or brother. It was her voice you needed to hear when you were sad. It  was for her that you willingly stayed up until 4 am waiting for a skype call._

_You always told yourself it was because Ashlyn is your best friend._

_It was a lie._

_Ashlyn. The girl you love._

_Of course you love her. You always have. Since the day you met her. You just now realized that you are also in love with her._

 

“Yes, honey”, Kyle said as he hugged his sister. “I think you are right”

“So what do I do know?”, Ali asked after have been visibly spacing out.

“Easy, baby, you tell her.”, Kyle exclaimed.

“I can’t Kyle, she’s got a girlfriend and she seems like she’s doing fine now…”

“Ali, even if it’s true, even if she’s moved on, I really think she deserves to know the truth.” Her brother suggest in a condescending tone.

 

When Ali arrived at the coffee they had agreed on, she saw Ashlyn already sitting at a table through the the glass door. She took a deep breath and then opened it, the bell on top of the door announcing her presence.

Ashlyn immediately turned in her direction and gave her a weak smile, probably already thinking about what Ali wanted to tell her. Ali could see it in her demeanor, even from far away, how stiff Ashlyn was when they were in the same room and there wasn’t anyone that could save her if things really got bad. But when the blonde even got up to give her an hug, Ali was left to wander if that breath she took was deep enough.

“Hey, I already ordered you a coffee… Hope that’s good.”, Ashlyn said.

“Yeah, thank you! Did you tell to not put..”

“No sugar, I remember it”, Ashlyn admitted and gently smiled. Ashlyn was trying, Ali had to admit it, she was really trying to make thinks normal. _Oh, Ash…_ the brunette thought, already scared by the outcome of the bomb she was going to drop.

So Ali didn’t answer, and for a moment she just stood there, looking at her best friend. Trying to formulate her thoughts in the best possible way, but nothing came out of her mouth and it really made her reflect on the many times Ashlyn must have felt this way. Always on the edge, on the verge of saying something that you fear might ruin your life, or worst, break your hearth.

She actually reasoned on not saying anything anymore, despite what Kyle had told her, despite what her hearth was actually telling her to scream.

But then the waiter brought them their order, a coffee for Ali and something that definitely was not coffee for Ashlyn. The blonde saw the puzzled look on Ali’s face and explained: “It’s tea… Julie said that I shouldn’t drink as much coffee as I used to.”

It wasn’t Julie that told her that, Lori did. She hadn’t seen the girl in weeks but her teammate suggested to mention her “girlfriend” and this seemed like a great opportunity.

To Ali, however, it seamed a lot like “ Julia says I shouldn’t drink as much coffee as we used to do.” And this was it, this was life telling her “If not now, never.” It was the clear message that she was already being replaced.

“Oh, it’s great that she worries about you..”, she said through gritted teeth, faking a smile.

“Yeah, she really is…”, Ashlyn agreed and then noticing how Ali didn’t seem like she was going straight to the point she said, “So. Ali. what happened? What did you want to say to me?”

“Well, before I tell you what I was speaking of, I kind of wanted to ask you a question first.”

“Aaaaalright”, Ashlyn said, clearly confused.

“…and I know I’ve kinda of already asked you the same thing. Maybe even more than a few times but I just need to know.”

“I really don’t like where this is going.”

“Can you please tell me how did you realize you were in love with me?”, Ali questioned and if Ashlyn wasn’t so mad that she was asked the same thing once again, she would have noticed how much Ali’s hands were shaking and had to tighten her grip on to the cup of coffee.

“Oh, Ali, please don’t start this again.”

“Ash, please. This is it, I promise. I won’t ever ask you again. One last time.” The brunette practically begged the girl sitting in front of her.

At first Ali was sure the blonde wouldn’t have even answered, she was sure that Ashlyn would just get up and leave her there. Of course, Ashlyn didn’t. In plain Ashlyn’s style she stayed there. Faced the girl she was supposed to not be in love with anymore and as usual couldn’t deny what she was asking. Same old story.

“I think I’ve always known I liked you”, the blonde started and Ali realeased a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “What made me realize I loved you was when one day I came to get you at the airport and I swear I could feel your presence in the room, even if it was crazily crowded. I immediately spotted you and in the moment you saw me too and smiled I swear I knew.”

“How could you be sure?”, Ali pushed, wanting to know more. Having to know everything possible. Every detail, everything that could have made her realize things the same way.

“Because no one else but you existed in that moment, I only had eyes for you. And my heart was beating so fast I thought I would faint and then you were next to me and hugged me. You always told me how much you hated airports’ hugs but your arms were wrapped around me and I felt at peace.”

“That, Ali, is how I knew it.”, the blonde concluded and looked Ali straight in the eyes.

Only then Ashlyn noticed how uncomfortable Ali looked in front of her and she just hoped she didn’t ruin everything again. She hoped her words didn’t destroy the frail friendship they had been rebuilding.

“So, hey, now you’re gonna tell me what is this about?”, she asked, in hope to change the subject and finally get this conversation over.

Ali on the other hand couldn’t not notice how Ashlyn spoke in the past tense. ‘liked’, ‘loved’.

“You are finally moving on, uh?”, Ali questioned. And of all the possible questions, this for sure wasn’t the one Ashlyn was expecting.

“Yeah”, Ashlyn said and even her couldn’t believe her voice. “Julie is helping me with that”

 _Liar,_ her mind screamed.

“It’s kind of funny you know.”, Ali said, a bitted smile on her face. Ashlyn was noticing now the little signs on Ali’s face. The dark bags under her eyes that even make up couldn’t hide, how Ali’s mascara wasn’t spot on as usual and how puffy Ali’s eyes were becoming. She was on the verge of tears.

It wasn’t funny at all, Ashlyn already knew.

“What is funny?”, she asked nonetheless, hoping that playing Ali’s game wouldn’t end as bad as she imagined.

“That you have moved on and I’ve just now realized that I might be in love with you.”

Ashlyn didn’t faint at the airport.

She fainted there.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo apparently I'm not at all faster that Abby's run... I totally forgot about this but today I really needed a distraction so I wrote this in a rush (which might be why it sucks)... be patient with me, please

It didn’t take too long for Ashlyn to come back to her senses but, of course, Ali would completely disagree on this considering that she was actually close to passing out too. She found out to her own expences that it’s not that easy to breathe when the girl you have just declared your supposed love to is laying on the floor.

When Ashlyn opened her eyes she was only furthermore confused by the amount of people towering over her; the constant pounding in her head for sure didn’t help her at all to remember why exactly she was laying on a freaking hard and cold surface.

There was just a lot of confusion surround her and she really couldn’t recognize any of the people that she could see in front of her. That until her frantically looking around didn’t end up looking straight into the most mesmerizing hazel eyes she had ever seen.

It was enough for her to recognize Ali, she didn’t even need to focus on her face.

Those eyes.

That was just enough.

it wasn’t their that made her immediately recognize the brunette, it wasn’t the shape or the amount of mascara that only Ali Krieger could manage to pull off. No, it was the worry that those eyes clearly showed. Something she had unfortunately learned. It was a result of years of friendships: how easily Ashlyn could see fright in Ali Krieger’s eyes.

And the blonde hated herself for the many times she was the reason behind it.

Ashlyn didn’t have enough time to loathe herself in self despise because she  only than realized that Ali was also softly stroking her hair and that her head must have been in Ali’s lap now cause she couldn’t feel the hard floor anymore.

Being back to fully functional and capable of taking in her surroundings, Ashlyn saw that Ali was now speaking to somebody else and saying something she couldn’t understand right away.

 _Focus, Ashlyn-_ she told herself.

“Ashlyn”, she heard Ali say, once that the brunette’s attention was back to her, “Ashlyn, please, say something! How are you feeling?”

Ashlyn however was just now learning how difficult it was to focus on words being told to her when Ali’s lips were at distance of reach.

 _What if I just kissed her now?,_ was the only coherent thought going through the blonde’s mind.

“Ash”, Ali begged her again, “come on! Just talk to me please. I’m so so sorry…Ash!”

Hearing that tone, Ashlyn’s protective side got the best of her even in that condition. She had to say something.

“I’m-I’m okay”, she finally managed to say, struggling a lot with forming the first words.

“God, Ashlyn”, Ali hugged her tighter, “I really thought… I thought that what I said might have…”

“What did you say?”, Ashlyn asked before her memories finally kicked in. “Oh.”

“Oh?”, the brunette inquired, that was really not the reaction she had hoped for.

“Yeah, oh…”, Ashlyn pondered. “Ali, I really really need you to say it again.”

“I don’t really think it’s the best of the ideas, not after what happened.” Ali said, a hint of sadness not well hidden in her words.

“No, Ali”, Ashlyn said in a more firm tone, “You are not following here, I really need to hear those words again. I need to know it was not just a dream.”

“Well than”, Ali conceded, grabbing Ashlyn’s hand in her own, “Ash, I’m in love with you.”

Ashlyn’s grin was the only response she needed.

Also, the reaction Ali honestly would have preferred in the first place.

 

 

It didn’t feel right though, not for Ali.

The whole coffee shop, having listened to that declaration, was expecting the duo to kiss and the imperceptible distance between the two of them only enforced their supposition.

It wouldn’t be right though, Ali thought. Not then. Not there. Not like that. Not surrounded by strangers. Not when Ashlyn had just hit her head on the floor and probably had a concussion.

Even if she wanted to forget about all of that, not when Ashlyn had a girlfriend.

Not when it wasn’t fair.

This said, it totally didn’t mean that Ali did not want to.

And if it were up to Ashlyn, on the other hand, they would have already been whistled and cheered on because of their kissing. But she had been hit in the head too many times to not know that she should have to avoid any further movements before being checked.

Plus, this was entirely on Ali.

This had to be on her.

She had made that move first already and she _really_ didn’t want to be slapped again.

After all, Ashlyn had been waiting her entire life for that sentence. She could wait a little bit more to have her kiss.

The guys from the ambulance that somebody in the cafè must have called entering trough the door were enough to distract the women that now had to be separated.

Ashlyn was quite pissed that somebody even called help for her fainting but Ali was trying to calm her down and told her that it was just like on the field, it was protocol and it had to be respected.

Ashlyn had to answer all the questions about her contacts and security numbers (an important amount of which was answered by Ali, by the way, and not because she knocked her head and couldn’t remember, but just because she never really cared about that stuff) before she was finally cleared and good to go.

 

 

 

 

“Ashlyn, really, let me drive you home. I’m not sure you’re in condition you drive by yourself.”, Ali said in a pleading tone as she walked the blonde to her car, still trying to convince her. Despite how many times Ashlyn had already told her she was just fine.

“Ali, even the doctors told me I could drive! Don’t sweat it too much, I’m more than alright.”

Ali pondered the problem a little further before she finally gave in, “Are you really sure?”, she asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry. Plus, Ali, I really need to be alone for a little bit..”

“I understand, please just tell me I didn’t rui…”, she asked but was interrupted before she was quickly cutted off.

“You didn’t ruin anything, I just need some time to…”

“Julie”, Ali said, as if she understood in which direction Ashlyn’s speech was heading.

To be honest, Ashlyn had completely forgotten about the girl and the whole act. That was so not the problem for Ashlyn. Truth to be told, she really had to get herself together before she could even think of having _that_ kind of conversation with Ali. Yes, it was all she wanted since the beginning but she was totally not prepared for it to really happen. It shocked her. At the point, she was quite ready to give up on any chance, it seemed too impossible. Her fainting, however, reminded her of how real it was. Ali was in love with her! That was everything she could think over and over again.

“Uhmmm, yeah”, she condescended, that name quickly giving her an excuse, “I’ll have to…”

“I understand, Ashlyn, you are right”, Ali said, “I know how messed up this is right now but… I just had to say it.”

“Ali, really, I just had to hear it.” Ashlyn said, and after a soft kiss pressed on her right temple, the blonde was in her car speeding away.

 

 

 

 

 

Ashlyn had always taken pride in the way she could handle her feelings. In the way she could control them, preventing her feelings from ruining her. Of course, however, she was far from the stoic figure some people would expect from Ashlyn just judging her by her though look.

She had become an expert in handling, sadness, anger and disappointment.

Love, on the other side, that was another pair of shoes. She had been sure for a long time that she had master up the art of controlling her feelings in that field to which mostly meant that she repeated over and over to herself to never get attached to the girls she slept with.

That, until she met Ali.

Ali was the first person that could turn her into a turmoil of emotions, a chaos of feelings. She had never experienced that kind of love before meeting the brunette but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t recognize the clear signs of falling in love.

 

 

When you are in love with your best friend, your very straight best friend, you have to learn to hide your feelings. It’s not even about controlling because your grandmother has told you enough times that there’s no way to control love nor who you fall in love with. Hide, that you can do.

So you hide your feelings for a really long time. You hide them when she tells you about her last crush and mostly you hide them when she asks you about who your latest crush is. You hide those feelings in the same place you hide your tears, in the dark, when you are sure no one’s watching you. When you are sure she isn’t.

You hide them out of fear (not of being rejected, that you give for granted), your greatest fear is that you’d loose your best friend too.

So you hide them until you can’t keep them a secret anymore.

You hide your love until something happens and the tables get turned.

Because deep down you have always known that something would have happened sooner or later and all the time you’ve spent pretending would have been for nothing.

So Ashlyn was pretty sure that she’d become damn good at hiding her feelings from Ali. That she’d be able to hold them at bay in front of her defender.

That’s way she would have expected from herself a much better reaction than fainting.

Trying to not feel too lame, Ashlyn had been able to convince herself that those rules don’t apply when the girl in front of you is Ali Krieger and she practically tells you she has realized that after all she’s not that straight.

 

 

 

Just like any teenager would do, the first thing Ashlyn did was heading to Lori’s house and scream for her friend to get in the living room right away.

“Ashlyn”, she heard Lori say as she ran where she was standing, “what the fuck? Did something happen?”

“Yeah, it kind of did…”

“Ooookay, do you care to tell me or you just yelled like you were getting murdered for no reason other than to look at my pretty face?”

“Oh, right… Well, you know that Ali had something to tell me…”,  Ashlyn waited for Lori’s nod before she continued, “So, she did tell me a pretty good thing.”

“Why are you grinning like an idiot?”, the short-haired blond inquired curiously, this was really not the outcome she’d predict when Ashlyn told her she had to meet up with Ali. Lately, when that happened, Ashlyn would end up even more upset that she had been the time before.

Not this time though, Lori was going to find out.

 

“Weeeell”, Ashlyn bragged, “turns out, Ali said she thinks she might be in love with me.”

She had just finished her sentence when Lori practically tackled her on the couch in celebration and excitement.

 Lori then made her recount every single detail of past hours and proceeded to make fun of her, as any one would expect, for fainting.

 

“My only question here now is why haven’t you asked her on a date yet?”

 

 

So, she did.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think of the story!


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